The Top 15 Signs Your Parents Aren't Human  
[ This list copyright 1997 by Chris White and Ziff Davis, Inc. ]

15> While watching "Star Trek - The Next Generation", they always
    scream, "Wrong!  Wrong again!!"  

14> No amount of arguing will stop them from voting Republican.  

13> Mom has finally kicked her oxygen habit, but Dad still guzzles
    Prestone like it was Gatorade.  

12> Your mom once moistened an envelope with her tongue and sealed
    it... after you had dropped it in the mail box.  

11> Two words: Sansabelt slacks  

10> Your first clue?  They named you Jon Benet and you don't live
    in France.  

 9> Them: three-toed marsupials with pouches.  You: love eucalyptus
    leaves and talk with funny accent.  

 8> They freak every time a Sigourney Weaver movie comes on.  

 7> Billy's parents -- the paddle.  Timmy's parents -- the belt.  
    Your folks -- the probe.  

 6> They claim they brought you from France, yet no one in the  
    family is surly.  

 5> Your navel is threaded.  

 4> You've escaped countless punishments by distracting them with
    the sound of the can opener.  

 3> Your backyard satellite dish is larger than your neighbor's,
    by about 700 feet.  

 2> Your chore list includes the item, "polish coffins."  

    and the Number 1 Sign Your Parents Aren't Human...  

 1> In addition to milk, breast feeding menu includes hors  
    d'oeuvres, salad, and an entree.