A Hunter's Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the hall, 
Not a critter was stirring, cause they was mounted on the wall. 
With Ma in her calico and me in my skins, 
I had uncorked the jug; tomorrow I'd pay for my sins.

When outside the cabin I heard such a clatter, 
I grabbed up ol' Betsy to see what was the matter. 
I snapped back the frizzen, dumped powder in the pan,
For out by the fence was a jolly fat man.

As the moonlit glistened on the new fallen snow, 
I saw eight sets of antlers, they looked all aglow. 
"Them's Longhunter bucks!" I yelled to my wife, 
And sightin' down the barrel, said, "Get my skinnin' knife."

"Don't shoot, ya dumb varmint," yelled the elf, how he shook! 
"These be my reindeer, are you as dumb as you look?" 
With a wink and a nod, he touched his finger to his cheek, 
Then reached in his sack and dumped my presents in the creek.

"Now up Dasher and Dancer and the rest of the herd," 
He called as his sleigh rose in the air like a bird. 
"Merry Christmas to everyone, even to you!" 
I waved back but kept thinkin', "There goes my venison stew!"

By Rick Hacker (with apologies to Dr. Clement Clark Moore)