Air Traffic Control Antics

A Huey Cobra practicing autorotations during a military night 
training exercise had a problem and landed on the tail rotor, 
separating the tail boom.  Fortunately, it wound up on its skids, 
sliding down the runway doing 360s in a brilliant shower of 
sparks. As the Cobra passed the tower, the following exchange 
was overheard:

    Tower:   "Sir, do you need any assistance?"
    Cobra:   "I don't know, tower. We ain't done crashin' yet!"

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The controller working a busy pattern told the 727 on downwind 
to make a three-sixty (do a complete circle, usually to provide 
spacing between aircraft). The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do 
you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a three-sixty 
in this airplane?"  Without missing a beat the controller replied, 
"Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth!"

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PSA was following United, taxiing out for departure.  PSA called 
the tower and said "Tower, this is United 586. We've got a little 
problem, so go ahead and let PSA go first".   The tower promptly 
cleared PSA for takeoff before United 586 had a chance to object 
to the impersonation!

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A DC-10 had an exceedingly long landing rollout after landing with
his approach speed just a little too high. "American 751 Heavy, 
turn right at the end if able. If not able, take the Guadalupe exit
off of  Hiway101 back to the airport."

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A male pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when he's 
flying and about flying when he's with a woman.

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It was a really nice day, right about dusk, and a Piper Malibu was 
being vectored into a long line of airliners in order to land at 
Kansas City:

    KC Approach: "Malibu three-two-Charlie, you're following a 727, 
      one o'clock and three miles."
    Three-two-Charlie: "We've got him. We'll follow him."
    KC Approach: "Delta 105, your traffic to follow is a Malibu, 
      eleven o'clock and three miles. Do you have that traffic?"
    Delta 105: (long pause and then in a thick southern drawl):
      "Well......I've got something down there.  Can't quite tell
      if it's a Malibu or a Chevelle, though."

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Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 
   124.7."
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure...by 
  the way, as we lifted off, we saw some kind of dead animal on 
  the far end of the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure 
  on 124.7...did you copy the report from Eastern?"
Continental 635:  "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff...and 
  yes, we copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers."

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O'Hare Approach Control: "United 329, traffic is a Fokker, 
  one o'clock, 3 miles, eastbound."
United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this...I've got 
  that Fokker in sight."