AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLER HUMOR

22 November -- Any More complaints?
The controller working a busy pattern told the 727 on downwind to make a
three-sixty (do a complete circle, usually to provide spacing between
aircraft).  The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know it costs us
$2000 to make a three-sixty in this ariplane?"  Without missing a beat the
controller replied, "Roger, now give me $4000 worth." 

15 Novemeber -- What the...?!
PSA was following United, taxiing out for departure.  PSA called the tower
and said "Tower, this is United 586.  We've got a little problem, so go
ahead and let PSA go first."  The tower promptly cleared PSA for takeoff
before United had a chance to object to the imnpersonation. 

8 November -- Which Exit Did You Say That Was?
A DC-10 had an exceedingly long landing rollout after landing with his
approach speed just a lttle too high.  San Jose Tower: "American 751
Heavy, turn right at the end if able.  If not able, take the Guadalupe
exit off of Highway 101 back to the airport." 

11 October -- What is That Thang?
It was a really nice day, right about dusk, and a Piper Malibu was being
vectored into a long line of airliners in order to land at Kansas City. 
KC Approach: "Malibu three-two-Charlie, you're following a 727, one
o'clock and three miles." 
Three-two-Charlie: "We've got him.  We'll follow him."
KC Approach: "Delta 105, your traffic to follow is a Malibu, eleven
o'clock and three miles.  Do you have that traffic?"
Delta 105: (long pause and then in a thick southern drawl):  "Well, I've
got something down there.  Can't quite tell if it's a Malibu or a
Chevelle, though."

6 September -- Mmmm, Mmmm Good!
Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7."
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure...by the way, as
we lifted off, we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the
runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on
124.7...did you copy the report from Eastern?"
Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff...yes, we copied
Eastern and we've already notified our caterers."

26 June -- No, That's Not What I Said
O'Hare Approach Control: "United 329, traffic is a Fokker, 1 o'clock, 3
                         miles, eastbound."
United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got that
             Fokker in sight."