Application for Permission
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                 TO DATE MY DAUGHTER



Note: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless
accompanied by a complete financial statement, lineage history and
current medical report from a doctor of my choosing.


NAME:__________________________________________  

DATE OF BIRTH:____________ HEIGHT:_________ WEIGHT:___________

IQ:______________ GPA:____________ SOCIAL SECURITY#:__________________ 

DL#:____________________           BOY SCOUT RANK:_______________ 

SUNDAY SCHOOL ATTENDED:___________________

Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent?________ If "no" explain
below. 

Number of years parents married:_____ 

Any brothers or sisters?_______ Are they normal?_______

Do you own or have access to a van ______, a truck with oversized
tires _____, a waterbed _____?

Do you have an ear ring, nose ring or belly button ring?______

Do you have a tattoo? ______
[If yes to any of these, discontinue application and leave immediately.]


In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?

____________________________________________________________________ 

____________________________________________________________________ 

____________________________________________________________________ 


In 50 words or less, what does the word "NO" mean to you??

____________________________________________________________________ 

____________________________________________________________________ 

____________________________________________________________________ 


In 50 words or less, give your definition of "REAL PAIN"

____________________________________________________________________ 

____________________________________________________________________ 

____________________________________________________________________ 


Church you attend: ________________ How often?  S, M, T, W, Th, F, S

When would be the best time to interview your mother, father and
minister? _____________________

Please fill in the blanks:
A.  If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want
    wounded would be my ______________.

B.  If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken would
    be my ______________.

C.  A woman's place is in the __________________.

D.  The one thing I hope this application doesn't ask is
    ________________________________. 

E.  When I meet a girl, the one thing I always notice first is 
    her ________________.
(If the answer in "E" involves a body part, leave premises now, 
keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion.)

F.  What do you want to be IF you grow up _________________.


I swear that all the above information is correct to the best of my
knowledge under penalty of death, bodily harm, dismemberment, torture
or mental abuse.

Signature of applicant ____________________________________

Signature of father _____________________________________

Signature of mother ____________________________________

Signature of minister ___________________________________

Signature of State Representative _________________________


Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and 
non-sexual.  Please allow 4-6 weeks for processing. You will be 
contacted in writing if approved.  If denied, please never apply 
again.  Don't call me, I'll call you.