Beer Beleifs


The problem with the world is that everyone else is 
a few drinks behind.
 * Humphrey Bogart

American Beer is a lot like making love in a row boat. 
It's too f***ing close to water!
 * Monty Python's Eric Idle

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time. 
 * Catherine Zandonella

Abstainer:  a weak person who yields to the temptation 
of denying himself a pleasure.
 * Ambrose Bierce

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the 
decency to thank her.

What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my 
lunch? 
 * W.C. Fields

Beauty lies in the hands of the beerholder. 

Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink. 
 * Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it. 
 * His reply

If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given 
us stomaches.
 * David Daye

Work is the curse of the drinking classes. 
 * Oscar Wilde

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. 
 * Henny Youngman

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal 
lobotomy. 
 * Tom Waits

If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, 
I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.
 * Deep Thought, Jack Handy

One more drink and I'd be under the host. 
 * Dorothy Parker

When I heated my home with oil, I used an average of 800 
gallons a year.  I have found that I can keep comfortably 
warm for an entire winter with slightly over half that 
quantity of beer.
 * Dave Barry

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of 
mankind is beer.  Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also 
a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well 
with pizza.
 * Dave Barry

Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from 
urine. 
 * David Moulton

A drink a day keeps the shrink away. 
 * Edward Abbey

Put it back in the horse!
 * H. Allen Smith, an English humorist in the '30s-'50s, 
   after he drank his first American beer at a bar.

I was thinking of the immortal words of Socrates when he 
said,  "I drank what?"
 * Val Kilmer (in REAL GENIUS)