Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.  Do not walk ahead of me, For
I may not follow.  Do not walk beside me, either.  Just leave me the
hell alone.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a
leaky tire.

It's always darkest before dawn.  So if you're going to steal the
neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

It's a small world.  So you gotta use your elbows a lot.

Sex is like air: it's not important unless you aren't getting any.

We are born naked, wet, and hungry.  Then things get worse.

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning
to others.

It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities
without your help.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car
payments.

If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.

If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, then it was
probably worth it.

If you haven't much education you must use your brain.

Who gossips to you will gossip of you.

When someone says, "Do you want my opinion?" - it's always a negative
one.

The trouble with work is - it's so daily.

Scientists say one out of every four people is crazy.  Check three
friends and if they are OK, then you're it.

Pain and suffering is inevitable but misery is optional.