Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain ? A: Gifted ! Q: How do blonde braincells die ? A: Alone. Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells ? A: Pregnant. Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette ? A: Artificial intelligence. Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink ? A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables ! Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain ? A: After a dye job. Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane ? A1: She'd just dyed her hair. A2: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much. Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up ? A: To catch everything that goes over their heads. Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger ? A: You can park in the handicap zone. Q: What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievment ? A: An IN-body experience ! Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up ? A: Shine a flashlight in their ear. Q: How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle ? A: Shine a torch in her ears. Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks ? A: It takes too long to retrain them. Q: How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer ? A: There's white-out on the screen. Q2: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer ? A: There's writing on the white-out. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer ? A: You only have to punch information into a computer once. Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer ? A: She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9. Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads ? A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno ! Q: How do you kill a blonde ? A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads. Q: How do blondes pierce their ears ? A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads. Q: Why don't blondes eat Jello ? A: They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages. Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles ? A: Because they can't get their head in the jar. Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas ? A1: They can't find the zipper. A2: They cant find the pull tab. Q: How did the blonde die ice fishing ? A: She was run over by the zambonis machine. Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs ? A: Because they can spell it. Q: Why do blondes like the GST ? (GST -- Goods and Services Tax now in effect in Canada) A: Because they can spell it. Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes ? A: Toes Go In First. Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts ? A: Tits Go In Front. Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side ? A: An interpreter. Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes ? A: A mental block. Q: How do you change a blonde's mind ? A1: Blow in her ear. A2: Buy her another beer. Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning ? A: Introduces themself. Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear ? A: "Thanks for the refill !" Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear ? A: Data transfer. Q: How can you tell which blonde is the waitress ? A: She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she did with her pencil. Q: Why do blondes have more fun ? A1: Because they don't know any better. A2: They are easier to keep amused. Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb ? A1: "What's a lightbulb ?" A2: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her. A3: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady !" Q: What's a blonde's favourite wine ? A: "Daaaddy, I want to go to Miaaami !" Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes ? A: A wine cellar. Q: Why are there no dumb brunettes ? A: Peroxide. Q: Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes ? A: They're doing research on black holes. Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common? A: They're both empty from the neck up. Q: How do you get a blond out of a tree? A: Wave Q: What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common? A: They both have black roots. Q: What does a blonde owl say? A: What, what? Q: What do you call a zit on a blonde's butt? A: A brain tumor. Q: What's the Blonde's cheer? A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..." Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence? A: To see what was on the other side. Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back? A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK". Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat? A: In case she locks the keys in her car. Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet? A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills. Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears? A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides. Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch? A: To turn the blinker off. Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car? A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche. Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane? A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much. Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months? A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years. Q: How do you confuse a blonde? A: Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms. Q: Why does it work? A: "Does 3 come before E or does it go between M and W?" Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office? A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps! Q: What is blond, brunette, blond, brunette, ....? A: A blond doing cartwheels. Q: Did you hear about the blond skydiver? A: She missed the Earth! Q: What is the difference between a blonde and an inflatable doll? A: About 2 cans of hair spray Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives? A: The vegetable garden. Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag? A: One. Q: What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon? A: Far-from-thinkin Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer? A: She slipped off and fell down the drain. Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios? A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!" Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra? A: Spot. Q: What's a blonds' favourite rock group? A: Air Supply. Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling? A: A blond electrician. Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short? A: So brunettes can remember them. Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs? A: They keep breaking them with the hammers. Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde? A: Perri-air Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote? A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck. Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head? A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it! Q: What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station? A: The Air Pump! Q: Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air? A: She missed. Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain? A: After a dye job. Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH? A: A blonde going through a flashing red light. Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard? A: Grade 4. Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance? A: 144 blondes. Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater? A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter". Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?" A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!" Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces. A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces." Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car? A: She burned her lips on the tailpipe. =========================== Did you hear about the blonde who... - Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight. - Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope. - Can't work in a pharmacy because the bottles won't fit into the typewriter. - Was trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went out. - Couldn't call 911 because there was no 11 on any phone button. - When asked what the capital of California was; answered "C." - Burnt her nose bobbing for French fries. - Baked a turkey for 3 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 125. - Hates M&M's because they are so hard to peel. - Got hurt while raking leaves; fell out of the tree. - Changes the baby's diaper only once a month because the label said "good up to 20 pounds." - After losing in a breaststroke swimming competition, complained that the other swimmers were using their arms. - What goes vroom-screech-vroom-screech', etc.? A blonde at a flashing red light. - Two blondes are trying to get into their car using a coat hanger when one says, "Hurry, it's starting to rain and the top is down."