Bumper Sticker Humor "Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine." "I love cats...they taste just like chicken" "Out of my mind. Back in five minutes." "Cover me. I'm changing lanes." "As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools" "Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot." "Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let him sleep" "I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather.... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...." "The gene pool could use a little chlorine." "I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian." "Don't blame me - I'm from Uranus." "Your kid may be an honor student but YOU'RE still an IDIOT!" "It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you." "When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS." "Friends don't let friends drive Naked." "Wink, I'll do the rest!" "I took an IQ test and the results were negative." Few women admit their age; Fewer men act it. "When there's a will, I want to be in it!" "Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?" "If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?" "Time is the best teacher; unfortunately, it kills all its students!" "It's lonely at the top, but you eat better." "Forget about World Peace.....Visualize Using Your Turn Signal !" "Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear." "Give me ambiguity or give me something else." "We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse." "Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot." "He who laughs last thinks slowest" "Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else." "Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math." "Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies." "Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes." "Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy." "Consciousness: that annoying time between naps." "I souport publik edekasion" "We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated." "Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home." "3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't." "Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?" "Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?" "Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock." "2 + 2 =3D 5 for sufficiently large values of 2." "I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with sub-atomic particles." "I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die. " Auntie Em. Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy. We're staying together for the sake of the cats. It's been lovely, but I have to scream now. My karma ran over your dogma. Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition. This is not an abandoned vehicle. I don't lie, cheat or steal unnecessarily. It's as bad as you think and they are out to get you. If you don't like the news, go out and make some of your own. I want to be Barbie, that bitch has everything. Life's too short to dance with ugly men. My wife says if I go fishing one more time, she's going to leave me. Gosh, I'm going to miss her. When you do a good deed get a receipt (in case heaven is like the IRS). I is a college student. Beer isn't just for breakfast any more. Sorry, I don't date outside my species. Will Rogers never met a lawyer. Happiness is seeing your mother-in-law's face on the back of a milk carton. It's lonely at the top, but you eat better. Don't steal. The government hates competition. Is there life before coffee? Never play leap frog with a unicorn. Nobody's ugly after 2 a.m... Cover me. I'm changing lanes. The weather is here. Wish you were beautiful. I Cayman went. My other wife is beautiful. I need someone really bad. Are you really bad? Don't laugh. Your daughter could be in this vehicle. I came, I saw, I did a little shopping. There's one in every crowd and they always find me. If money could talk, it would say good-bye. Just when you think you've won the rat race along come faster rats. If it's too loud, you're too old. The worst day fishing is better than the best day working. An Irishman is not drunk so long as he can hold on to one blade of grass and not fall off the earth. I may be fat but you're ugly, and I can lose weight. Who cares who's on board? No radio. Already stolen. Crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it. Want a taste of religion? Bite a minister. Carlsbad Caverns: 22% more cavities. UFOs are real, the Air Force doesn't exist. I don't care who you are, what you are driving, or where you would rather be. Horn broken. Watch for finger. Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot. All generalizations are false. Cover me. I'm changing lanes. I brake for no apparent reason. Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control. I'm not as think as you drunk I am. Forget about World Peace...Visualize using your turn signal. We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart? He who laughs last thinks slowest. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. Time is what keeps everything from happening at once. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. Forget the Joneses, I keep us up with the Simpsons. Born free...Taxed to death. The more people I meet, the more I like my dog. Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot. Rehab is for quitters. I get enough exercise just pushing my luck. All men are idiots, and I married their King. Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let him sleep. Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician. Work is for people who don't know how to fish. Montana -- At least our cows are sane] If you don't like the news, go out and make some. When you do a good deed, get a receipt--in case heaven is like the IRS.. Sorry, I don't date outside my species. No radio - Already stolen. Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition. Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs. Real women don't have hot flashes, they have power surges. I took an IQ test and the results were negative. Where there's a will, I want to be in it. OK, who stopped payment on my reality check? I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it. Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW. Tell me to 'stuff it' - I'm a taxidermist. IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got. Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students. It's lonely at the top, but you eat better. According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist. Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill. Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have. A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory. Reality? Is that where the pizza delivery guy comes from? How can I miss you if you won't go away? Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear. Give me ambiguity or give me something else. We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse. Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot. Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies. Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes. Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. i souport publik edekashun. There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't. Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word? Ever stop to think and forget to start again? I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film. Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you. Honk if you love peace and quiet. Pardon my driving, I am reloading. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular? Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool. A day without sun shine is like, you know, night. Save the whales. Collect the whole set. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. On the other hand, you have different fingers.