Boudreaux's Trip to Vegas Boudreaux gets home from work late one night and hears a voice in his head. The voice tells him, "Hey Boudreaux, quit your job, sell your house, take yo money, go to Vegas." Boudreaux is very disturbed at what he hears and ignores the voice. The next day when he gets home from work, the same thing happens. The voice tells him, "Quit your job, sell your house, take yo money, go to Vegas." Again Boudreaux ignores the voice, though he is very troubled by the event. Every day, day after day, for about four or three days, Boudreaux hears the same voice when he gets home from work, "Quit your job, sell your house, take your money, go to Vegas." Each time he hears the voice he becomes increasingly upset. Finally, after two weeks, Boudreaux succumbs to the pressure. He does quit his job, sells his house, takes his money and heads to Vegas. The moment he gets off the plane in Vegas, the voice tells him, "Go to Harrahs." So, he hops in a cab and rushes over to Harrahs. As soon as he sets foot in the casino, the voice tells him, "Go to the roulette table." Boudreaux does as he is told. When he gets to the roulette table, the voice tells him, "Put all your money on 17." Nervously, Boudreaux cashes in his money for chips and then puts them all on 17. The dealer wishes Boudreaux good luck and spins the roulette wheel. Around and around the ball caroms. Boudreaux anxiously watches the ball as it slowly loses speed until finally it settles into number . . . 21. "Damn Boudreaux," says the voice!! By: J. Shay - Pensacola, Florida Mrs. Boudreaux Goes Into Labor Boudreaux calls the doctor and says, "Doc, doc, my wife Marie is in labor and da contractions are only two minutes apart!" The doctor asked, "Is this her first child?" Boudreaux shouts, "No, you idiot, this is her husband!" By: S. Metzger - Walker, Louisiana Boudreaux's Measuring Stick Boudreaux is walking down the road when he's approached by his friend, Thibodeaux, who is carrying a very long bamboo fishing pole, and a yardstick. They stop and talk awhile, when Thibodeaux stands the pole straight up in the air, and attempts to reach the very top with the yardstick. Seeing it won't work, ole Boudreaux yanks the pole from Thibodeaux's hands , lays it on the sidewalk and measures it. "There you go; it's 12 feet long", says Boudreaux . Thibodeaux, upset and very irritated, grabs the yardstick and yells to Boudreaux ," You fool!! I don't want to know how long it is!! I want to know how high it is! By: B. Rodriguez - Laplace, Louisiana Circle of Life Boudreaux is driving down the big road in Houston, Texas, when all of a sudden this big ole Texan cuts him off and forces Boudreaux to the shoulder where Boudreaux immediately gets out his Country Cadillac (pick-up truck) and walks up to the Texan and begans screaming at the guy. The Texan, remaining calm, politely goes to his trunk, and pulls out a tire tool. He bends over and draws a circle in the concrete on the shoulder of the Interstate and tells Boudreaux to get in the circle and DON'T get out. Well, the Texan walks over to Boudreaux's pick-up truck and bashes in his tail lights. Looking at Boudreaux , the Texan sees him laughing hard. Getting even more frustated, the Texan bashes in the back glass. Looking over at Boudreaux again, he sees him lying on the ground, rolling from laughing so hard. This really gets the Texan upset, so he bashes in the front windshield, the headlights, and the mirrors. Walking over to where Boudreaux was at, in the circle, he still sees ole Boudreaux on the ground, laughing so hard that he's turning blue in the face. Not understanding why, the Texan says to Boudreaux , " Man, I bash in your windows, and you laugh; I bash in your tail lights, and you laugh; I bash in your windshield, mirrors and headlights, and you can barely breathe because you're laughing so hard. What the hell is wrong with you?" Finally catching his breath, Boudreaux says, "You fool; you Texans think you're so much better than us; you know what? When you wasn't looking, I got out that circle three times!! By: B. Rodriguez - Laplace, Louisiana Bear Hunting Expert Boudreaux at the hunting camp with 3 buddies, drinking beer and playing bouree. We'll call them: Thibodeaux, Gauthreaux, and Fontenot. "Boudreaux ", says Fontenot, "You coming hunt them bear with us in the morn?" Boudreaux , the excellent hunter that he is, says," Non, I think I'll go alone; I hunt better that way". So, in the morning when everyone else woke to go on the hunt, there was ole Boudreaux , returning from his hunt with a big black bear. There was only ONE bullet hole on the bear, right between the eyes. "Damn, you are a good shot", says Thibodeaux, who is leaving to go hunting. "Yep, one shot - that's all it took"says Boudreaux ,"I told you!" Well, they came back later that day without a single bear. That night, the same routine; beer and bouree. Thibodeaux asks Boudreaux if he'll go on the hunt with them in the morn. Again, Boudreaux says "No, I hunt better alone." So, in the morn all 3 guys are leaving for the hunt when Boudreaux is returning with a bear. Again, only ONE bullet hole between the eyes. Gauthreaux, not believing what he's seeing, exclaims "Boudreaux , how you do it with one shot? You can't be that good, huh?" Well, the same thing happens later that day; they return without a single bear. The next morning Boudreaux returns with a bear as the other 3 are leaving for their hunt. But, this time, there were 3 bullet holes on the bear; one in between the eyes, one in the left paw, and one in the right paw. Gauthreaux , seeing the three bullet holes,exclaims, "Uh huh, I knew you couldn't do it three times in a row with one bullet; I knew you wasn't that good!!" Boudreaux , remaining calm, says "No man, all it took was one shot - that's it!! You see, it was pretty dark when I shot him. I put my flashlight up like that and shined it at his eyes. When he saw the light , he put both his hands over his eyes to cover them, and that's when I shot." By: A. Ponvelle - Napoleonville, Louisiana Bear Hunt Trip Boudreaux and Thibodeaux were driving on the highway, on their way to go bear hunting. They come upon this fork in the road, where there was a sign that said " BEAR LEFT". They turned around and went home. By: A. Ponvelle - Napoleonville, Louisiana Long Lost Neighbor Boudreaux goes to a local carpenter in his hometown and asks him if he could build a box two inches wide, by two inches high, by 50 feet long. The carpenter, slightly confused by the request, says he could do it, but out of curiosity, he asks what the box will be used for. Boudreaux says "Nothing really important; you see, my neighbor moved about a week ago, and he forgot a couple of things. He asked if I could mail his garden hose. By: A.Ponvelle - Napoleonville, Louisiana Statue Boudreaux A woman was in bed with her lover (we'll call him Boudreaux ), when she heard her husband opening the front door. "Hurry!" she said to her lover Boudreaux , "stand in the corner." She quickly rubbed baby oil all over Boudreaux and then dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. Just pretend you're a statue." A few seconds later the woman's husband, who we'll call Prejean walks in the room. Surprised to see this work of art standing in the corner, he exclaims "What's this, cher?". "Oh, it's just a statue," the woman replies nonchalantly. "The Breauxs' who live down the street bought one for their bedroom; I liked it so much, I went out and bought us one too." Ole Prejean didn't say anything about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep. Around two in the morning, Prejean got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk."Here," said Prejean to the statue Boudreaux , "eat something; you know, I stood like an idiot at the Breauxs' house for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water." By: Bob Broussard - "Cajun in the Kitchen" Chicken Guessing Thibodeaux was walking down the road one day and spotted Boudreaux walking towards him carrying a sack over his shoulder. When they met up on the road, Thibodeaux asks Boudreaux " What you got in the sack?" Boudreaux replies "I got me some chickens in this sack." Thibodeaux then says to Boudreaux , "If I guess how many chickens are in the sack, can I have one?" Boudreaux , the polite man that he is, kindly says,"If you can guess how many chickens I have in this sack, I'll give you BOTH of them!!!!!!!" By: Troy Bernard - toekao@CajunNet.com Churches in the South Boudreaux : "It's terrible what they're doing in the South." Thibodeaux: "What's that?" Boudreaux : "They're burning all of the churches!!" Thibodeaux: "That's OK, I always liked Popeye's better anyway!!!" By: C. Charron - Ontario, Canada Boudreaux's Death Notice Mrs. Boudreaux went to the local newspaper and said she wanted to put in the Obituary Column that Boudreaux died. They told her it would be $1.00 per word. She said, "Here's $2.00 - put in dere at BOUDREAUX DIED. They said, Mrs. Boudreaux, surely you want more dan dat." She said, Mais, no, just Boudreaux died. The editor said, "Well, you're a little upset. Bring yourself back tomorrow and you will probably tink of somethin else. She came back the next day, and said, "Yeh, I taught of somethin else, "BOAT FOR SALE". "Louisiana Roux" --Aug 96 issue (via B. Boudreaux - Labadieville, Louisiana) Boudreaux Strikes it Rich Boudreaux won the eight million dollar Lotto drawing. So early Monday morning he drives to Lotto headquarters in Baton Rouge to collect his winnings. Boudreaux tells the clerk, I won the Lotto and I come to collect my money, eight million dollar. The clerk tells him I am sorry Mr. Boudreaux but we don't give all the money at one time, we will pay you four hundred thousand dollars for the next twenty years. Boudreaux tells the clerk may non cher I don't want to wait twenty years for my money I want it today and all of it! Again she tells him I am sorry sir but that's not the way it works. Boudreaux was furious so he tells the clerk if you can't give me all of my money today then here is your ticket and give me back my dollar. "Louisiana Roux" --Aug 96 issue (via B. Boudreaux - Labadieville, Louisiana) Fishing Trip Boudreaux and Thibodeaux were going fishing. Boudreaux wanted to check the boat trailer lights. So he told Thibodeaux to go in the back and check the lights. Thibodeaux said press the brakes, both lights came on and he said, "It works". Boudreaux put on the right signal and Thibodeaux said, "It works, it don't, it works, it don't, it works, it don't". "Louisiana Roux" --Aug 96 issue (via B. Boudreaux - Labadieville, Louisiana) Dixie Brewery Drowning Boudreaux and Hebert, casualties of the oilfield bust in the 80's, decided to leave Gueydan and look for work in New Orleans. They quickly found jobs at the Dixie Brewery. They had been working only a couple of weeks when Boudreaux drowned in a beer vat. Management was very upset and asked Hebert if he would return to Gueydan to break the news to the Widow Boudreaux. Upon hearing the news, the Widow Boudreaux asked Hebert if, Boudreraux had suffered much. Hebert replied, "I don't think so, as a matter of fact, he climbed out twice to go the bathroom." "Louisiana Roux" --Aug 96 issue (via B. Boudreaux - Labadieville, Louisiana) Boudreaux meets St. Peter Poor ole Boudreaux up and died one day. Upon arriving at the gates of Heaven, St. Peter greeted him, "Welcome to Heaven, dere Boudreaux!" Boudreaux exclaimed "Mai, tank ya, cher!" St. Peter explained to ole Boudreaux that there was one stipulation before he was allowed through the gates of Heaven....he had to answer one question and get it right. Boudreaux scratched his head and said, "Mai, ok, cher. What dat be?" St. Peter says "What is God's first name?" Boudreaux answers, "Mai, cher, dat be easy, it's Howard." St. Peter (laughing himself silly) "HOWARD? May I ask you, Boudreaux, how'd you come up with that name?" Boudreaux, smiling proudly, says "Mai cher, dat be an easy one.....Our Fadda who art in Heavin, HOWARD be dy name." St. Peter, still chuckling, says "I can't argue with that one, Boudreaux! Come on in!" By: Charlene Dittmer (The Cajun Ring) - Sulphur, Louisiana Job Hunting Boudreaux and Thibodeaux are out looking for a job. They are walking by some building with a sign that says "Pilots Wanted." So Thibodeaux tells Boudreaux: "Mais Boudreaux. You're a pilot, you should go get dat job." So Boudreaux goes inside and tells the manager dat he is a pilot, with 20 years experience. The manager immediately hires him. Boudreaux comes back out and tells Thibodeaux he got the job. Thibodeaux says "Mais, if you can get dat job, den I can to!" He goes inside and talks to the manager. The manager asks him, "So you're a pilot like Boudreaux? I really need more pilots." Thibodeaux responds "No, I shovel manure." The manager replies "I'm sorry, but I really have no need for that." Thibodeaux, confused, asks "Mais, you just hired Boudreaux!" The manager responds "Yes, he's a pilot." Thibodeaux laughs and says "Mais boug, I got you on dis one here; --you see, ole Boudreaux can't pilot (pile it) unless I shovel-it!" By: Wyatt R. Johnson - Purdue University Elk Hunting Trip Boudreaux and Thibodeaux got ole Fontenot to fly them into the far north for elk hunting . They were quite successful in their venture, and bagged six big bucks. Fontenot came back as arranged to pick them up. They started loading their gear into the plane, including the six elk. But ole Fontenot he objected; said he, "The plane can take out only four of your elk; you will have to leave two behind." Damn if old Boudreaux and Tibodeaux dont start a big argument with Fontenot; the year before we had shot six and you let us put them all aboard, and the plane was just the same model and capacity as this. Reluctantly Fontenot finally permitted them to put all six aboard. But when they attempted to take off and leave the valley where they were, the little plane could not make it, and they crashed in the wilderness. Climbing out of the wreckage, Boudreaux said to the Thibodeaux, "Do you know where we are?" "I think so," replied Tibodeaux. "I think this is about the same place where Fontenot crashed the plane last year." By: Bob Broussard - "Cajun in the Kitchen" Boudreaux vs South Central Bell South Central Bell ( a local telephone company in South Louisiana) needs to install new telephone poles out by Mamou, so they decide to give the contract to the contractors who can install them the fastest. They tell Acme Pole Installers to work all day installing poles on one side of the road, and a Cajun contractor by the name of Boudreaux to install them on the other side. At the end of the day, the SC Bell representative returns to check on their progress. He sees that Acme has installed 24 poles that day and is very impressed. He turns around and sees that Boudreaux has only installed 4. He asks him "Why are you being so slow? The other guys have done 24 already!" To which ole Boudreaux reponds, "Mais yeah dere much faster, but look how much dey left sticking outta de ground!" By: Wyatt R. Johnson - Purdue University Boudreaux's Two Worse Pains Mais, Boudreaux stuck a splinter under his fingernail. So, he went to the docteur. The docteur say, mais Boudreaux dat must hurt! I'm gone have to stick a needle in your finger to deaden it up so I can get dat outta dere. Boudreaux say Doc just go pull it out. The docteur say mais Boudreaux dat gone hurt. Boudreaux say dat's ok Doc I done had the two worse pains dere is in the world. Just pull it out. The docteur say mais non Boudreaux you don't onerstand...dat's gone hurt bad. Boudreaux say mais doc I can take it. I done had de two worst pains in the world. Just go get it out. The docteur say mais ok but hole on Boudreaux! Mais sho nuf Boudreaux holds still sweating buckshot but the doc finally gets the splinter out. The docteur say mais Boudreaux I just wouldn't believe you stand dat! I just gotta know man what was the two worst pains in the world worst than that? Boudreaux say well doc I was duck huntin' a while back in the swamp when here come some ducks. Mais, I stoop down in that water to hide when one of them nutria traps got me right in the groin!! Mais. dat was the second worst pain in the world!! The docteur say poo yie Boudreaux dat musta hurt! But what could be worst than dat? Boudreaux said mais doc the worst pain was when I got to the end of that CHAIN!!!!!! By: Richard Harmon, M.D Boudreaux Moves to Ireland Boudreaux walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender asks him, "You know Boudreaux, a pint goes flat after I pour it; wouldn't you rather I pour fresh pints for you, one at a time?" Boudreaux replies: "Well, you see sha, I have two brothers. One is now in Nova Scotia, and the other, in France, and me, mais I'm from Louisiana. When we all left home, we promised we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together." The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. Boudreaux becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: he orders three pints and drinks them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the regulars notice and fall silent, speculating about what might have happened to one of the absent brothers. When Boudreaux goes back to the bar for a second round, the bartender says, "Hey Boudreaux, I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss." Boudreaux looks confused for a moment and then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs and says: "Oh, no, no, no, arrybody's 's fine. I've just given up beer for Lent." By: John Shay - Pensacola, Florida Boudreaux's Science Exam 1. (Q) What is the difference between inhaling and exhaling? (A) When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire. 2. (Q) What's the diference between H2O and CO2? (A) H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water. 3. (Q) How do you collect sulphur fumes? (A) To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube. 4. (Q) Give an example of an "odorless" gas? (A) When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide. 5. (Q) Can Nitrogen be found in a "free state?" (A) Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state. 6. (Q) What are the 2 elements that make up water? (A) Water is composed of two "gins", Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water. 7. (Q) What are the 3 types of blood vessels? (A) Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars. 8. (Q) Explain the act of breathing. (A) Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration. 9. (Q) Is the moon a planet? (A) The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader. 10. (Q) What is "artificial insemination"? (A) Artifical insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull. 11. (Q) Why do mushrooms grow, looking like umbrellas? (A) Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas. 12. (Q) Name 3 major parts of the body. (A) The body consists of three parts- the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowls, of which there are five - a, e, i, o, and u. 13. (Q) What is the "pistol" in a flower needed for? (A) The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects. 14. (Q) Where is the "alimentary canal" located? (A) The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana. 15. (Q) What does the moon and the sun have to do with the tide here on Earth? (A) All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight. 16. (Q) What is the Equator? (A) Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa. 17. (Q) Explain "germination"? (A) Germinate: To become a naturalized German. 18. (Q) What is a "liter"? (A) Liter: A nest of young puppies. 19. (Q) What is a magnet? (A) Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat. 20. (Q) Explain "momentum"? (A) Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away. 21. (Q) What is a "planet"? (A) Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky. 22. (Q) What is a "Vacumm"? (A) Vacumm: A large, empty space where the pope lives. 23. (Q) What are the types of blood? (A) Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative. 24. (Q) How does one prevent pregnancy? (A) To prevent contraception: wear a condominium. 25. (Q)How do you keep milk from going sour? (A) To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow. BONUS: What have you done as a student, to promote the anti-smoking campaign? (A) I was so horrified by what I had read about the effects of smoking that Igave up reading. By: John Shay - Pensacola, Florida Boudreaux's School Excuses 1. My son Boudreaux is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today, please execute him. 2. Please excuse Boudreaux for being absent he was sick and I had him shot. 3. Dear School: Please ekscuse Boudreaux being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33. 4. Please excuse Boudreaux from Jim today; he is administrating. 5. Please excuse Boudreaux from P.E. for a few days; yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip. 6. Boudreaux has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face. 7. Boudreaux was absent yesterday because he was playing football, and got hurt in the growing part. 8. Boudreaux could not come to school today because he has been bothered by very close veins. 9. Boudreaux will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side. 10. Please excuse Boudreaux Friday from school; he has very loose vowels. 11. Please excuse Boudreaux from being absent yesterday; he had (diahre) (dyrea) (direathe) the shits. [words were crossed out in the ( )'s] 12. Please excuse Boudreaux for being absent yesterday; he had diarrhea and his boots leak. 13. Please excuse Boudreaux for missing school yesterday; we forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday. 14. Boudreaux won't be in school a week from Friday; we have to attend his funeral. 15. Please excuse Boudreaux for being absent yesterday; he had a cold and could not breed well. 16. Please excuse Boudreaux for being absent yesterday; he was in bed with gramps. 17. Boudreaux was absent December 11-16, because he had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. His sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, his brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, his father even got hot last night. By: John Shay - Pensacola, Florida Cleophas's Math Success Boudreaux's ten year old son (Cleophas) was failing math. His parents tried arraything from tutors to hypnosis, but to no avail. Finally, at the insistence of a family friend, Boudreaux decided to enroll his son in a private Catholic school. After the first day, Cleophas's parents were surprised when he walked in after school with a stern, focused and very determined expression on his face, and went right past dem straight to his room, where he quietly closed de door. For nearly two hours he toiled away in his room - with math books strewn about his desk and the surrounding floor. He emerged long enough to eat some gumbo, and after quickly cleaning his plate, went straight back to his room, closed the door, and worked feverishly at his studies until bedtime. This pattern continued ceaselessly until it was time for de first quarter report card. Cleophas walked in wit his report card -- unopened -- laid it on the dinner table and went straight to his room. Cautiously, Mrs. Boudreaux opened it, and to her amazement, she saw a bright red "A" under the subject of "MATH". Overjoyed, she and ole Boudreaux rushed into Cleophas's room, thrilled at his remarkable progress. "Was it de nuns dat did it?", Boudreaux asked. The boy only shook his head and said, "No." "Was it de one-on-one tutoring? The peer-mentoring?" "No." "De textbooks? De teachers? De curriculum?" "Nope," said Cleophas . "On dat first day, when I walked myself in the front door of dat school and I saw dat guy what dey nailed to the big 'plus sign,' I just knew dey meant bizness!" By: John Shay - Pensacola, Florida Mabel's Annual Checkup Mabel Boudreaux, who is a 60 year old Cajun woman, goes to her doctor for her annual physical. He examines her thoroughly and says "Mais cher, I've got good news and bad news for you." Mabel said "What's de good news?" The doctor says "You are in wonderful shape. I can't find anything at all wrong with you." Mabel then asked "What's de bad news?" The doctor said "You're pregnant!" Upon hearing dis, Mabel flew out of his office in a rage. She was very upset, and ran all de way home and called her husband (Boudreaux) at work. When he answered, she said "You old goat-you got me pregnant!" After a long pause, "Who's calling?", replied Boudreaux. By: John Shay - Pensacola, Florida Boudreaux's Buffalo Theory Upon receiving his 2nd DWI offense, Boudreaux is summoned to court and the judge demands ole Boudreaux to explain (in his own words) what drinking does to one's body, and in turn, how it affects one's driving ability. Here's what he said to the judge: Buffalo Theory: A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as de slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is de slowest and de weakest ones at de back dat are killed first. Dis natural selection is good for de herd as a whole, because de general speed and health of de whole group keeps improving by de regular culling of de weakest members. In much de same way de human brain can only operate as fast as de slowest and weakest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills off brain cells, but naturally it attacks de weakest and slowest first. In dis way , regular consumption of beer eliminates de weaker brain cells , constantly making de brain a faster and more efficent machine. I am sure you have noticed dat de more you drink de smarter you get. Now you know why . By: John Shay - Pensacola, Florida Boudreaux's Cough Remedy Boudreaux got hisself a job as a clerk in a small drugstore but he was not much of a salesman. He could never find the item the customer wanted. Bob, the owner, had had about enough and warned Boudreaux that the next sale he missed would be his last. Just then a man came in coughing and he ask Boudreaux for their best cough syrup. Try as he might Boudreaux could not find the cough syrup. Remembering Bob's warning he sold the man a box of Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once. The customer did as Boudreaux said and then walked outside and leaned against a lamp post. Bob had seen the whole thing and came over to ask Boudreaux what had transpired. "Mais, he wanted sometin for his cough but I couldn't find de cough syrup. I substituted Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once" Boudreaux explained. "Ex-Lax won't cure a cough" Bob shouted angrily. "De hell you say; sure it will" Boudreaux said, pointing at the man leaning on the lamp post. "Look at him ova dere; mais he's afraid to cough yeah." By: John Shay - Pensacola, Florida Boudreaux's Fishing Trip Boudreaux and Thibodeaux go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment: the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. They spend a fortune. The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, Boudreaux catches a fish. As they're driving home they're really depressed. Thibodeaux turns to Boudreaux and says, "Do you realize dat dis one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred dollars?" Boudreaux says, "Wow! It's a good ting we didn't catch any more!" By: John Shay - Pensacola, Florida Boudreaux's Breathalyzer Test A police officer pulls over Boudreaux who had been weaving in and out of the traffic lanes. He goes up to Boudreaux's window and says "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube." Boudreaux says, "Sorry officer I can't do dat no! I am an asthmatic; if I do dat I'll have a really bad asthma attack." "Okay, fine, then I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample." I can't do dat either. I'm a hemophiliac; if I do dat, I'll bleed to death." "Well, then we need a urine sample." "I'm sorry officer I can't do dat either. I am also a diabetic; if I do dat I'll get really low blood sugar." "Alright then I need you to come out here and walk this white line." "I can't do dat either, officer." "Why not?" "Because I'm drunk," replied Boudreaux!! By: John Shay - Pensacola, Florida Boudreaux -- The Canadian Lumberjack A large, well established, Canadian lumber camp advertised that they were looking for a good Lumberjack. The very next day, a skinny little Cajun man by the name of "Boudreaux" showed up at the camp with his axe, and knocked on the head lumberjacks' door. The head lumberjack took one look at the little Cajun man and told him to leave. "Mais just give me a chance to show you what I can do," said lil ole Boudreaux. "Okay, see that giant redwood over there?" said the lumberjack. "Take your axe and go cut it down." So, Boudreaux headed for the tree, and in five minutes he was back knocking on the lumberjack's door. "I cut dat dere tree down," said the skinny man, Boudreaux. The lumberjack couldn't believe his eyes and said, "Where did you get the skill to chop down trees like that?" "In de Sahara Forest," replied the puny Boudreaux. "You mean the Sahara Desert," said the lumberjack. The little Cajun man laughed and answered back, "Oh yeah, sure, dat's what dey call it now!" By: John Shay - Pensacola, Florida Nobel Prize Boudreaux looks out the window & sees Comeaux standing out in his field. He tells his wife Clotilde, that he is REALLY worried about Comeaux. The next day he looks out his window and sees Comeaux still standing out in his field. He says Clotilde, Comeaux has lost his mind and I need to go help him! He walks over to Comeaux, and says "what the hell are you doing Comeaux". Comeaux says "I'm trying to win the Nobel Prize". Boudreaux says "how do you plan to do that". Comeaux says "I saw a show on TV and it said if you wanted to win the Nobel Prize that I had to out-standing- in my field". By: C. Charron - Ontario, Canada YOU MIGHT BE A CAJUN IF... 1. You start an angel food cake with a roux. 2. You sit down to eat boiled crawfish and your host says "Don't eat the dead ones" and you know what he means. 3. You gave up Tabasco for Lent. 4. You refer to Louisiana winters as "gumbo weather." 5. You can look at a rice field and tell how much gravy it will take to cover the rice. 6. You think the head of the United Nations is Boudreaux-Boudreaux-Guillory. 7. Watching Wild Kingdom inspires you to write a cookbook. 8. You think boudin, hog-head cheese and a Budweiser is a bland diet. 9. You think Ground Hog's day and Boucherie Day are the same holiday. 10. You take a bite of 5-alarm Texas chili and reach for the Tabasco. 11. Fred's Lounge in Mamou means more to you than the Grand Ole Opry. 12. You have an "envie" for something instead of a craving. 13. You use two or more pirogues to cover your newly planted tomatoes to protect them from a late frost. 14. The horsepower of your outboard motor is greater than the motor in your car. 15. You pass up a trip abroad to go to the Crawfish Festival in Breaux Bridge. 16. Your children's favorite bedtime story begins with "First you make a roux..." 17.Your school teacher teaches the 4 basic food groups as: Boiled seafood, Broiled seafood, Fried seafood, and Beer. 18. You're asked to name the 4 seasons and reply "Onions, celery, bell pepper, and Tony's." 19. You let your black coffee cool and find it has gelled. 20. You describe a 7 course meal as a 6-pack and a pound of boudin! 21. You describe a yard of boudin and cracklings as "breakfast." 22. Your mom/spouse announces each morning, "Well, I've got the rice cooking, what will we have for dinner?" 23. None of your potential vacation destinations are North of the old Mississippi River bridge ***(A bridge in Baton Rouge on Hwy 190)** 24. You think of gravy as a beverage. 25. You learned bourre' the hard way - holding yourself upright in your crib. 26. You consider the 4 seasons as: winter, spring, summer, and hunting!! 27. Your high school band's rendition of the National Anthem begins with, "Jambalaya, crawfish pie, fillet gumbo..." 28. You stand up when they play "Jolie Blonde." 29. Any of your dessert recipes call for jalapenos. 30. You consider Breaux Bridge the capital of the state, and Lafayette the capital of the nation. 31. You think the Mason-Dixon line is at Bunkie. By: C. Charron - Ontario, Canada First Deer Hunt Boudreaux and Thibodeaux were out deer hunting. Boudreaux was pretty new to this whole deer hunting thing, so Thibodeaux had told him all about a clean kill, and field dressing, etc. Well, after an afternoon up in the stand, Boudreaux heard some noise in the woods, he got buck fever and fired. He went over to where he thought his deer should be, and realized he had shot his good friend Thibodeaux. Boudreaux rushed Thibodeaux to the hospital. After what seemed like a very long time, the doctor came out shaking his head. He told Boudreaux, "The gunshot wound wasn't too bad, and we could have saved Thibodeaux had you just not field-dressed him." By: A. Ponvelle - Napoleonville, Louisiana Boudreaux Goes to Hell Boudreaux dies and goes to hell. The devil wants to make him miserable so he turns up the heat and goes to Boudreaux's room and asks how he likes it there. Boudreaux says "Oh mais cher, it feels like a good southern day in June." The devil gets mad and turns up the heat even more. He goes back and asks Boudreaux how do he likes it now. Boudreaux says "Oh mais cher, it feels like a good southern day in July." The devil's really mad now and goes back and turns the thermostat all the way to COLD (Freezing Cold!!). He goes back to Boudreaux, who now has icicles hanging off his moustache, and asks him how he likes it now. Boudreaux says, "I don't know mais cher, but I bleave da saints done won dem a Superbowl." By: Nancy Lockwood - Pensacola, Florida Boudreaux Marks the Spot One day Boudreaux and Thibodeaux decide to go out to the basin to do some fishing. So they go down to the dock and rent them a real nice pirogue (cajun canoe), get all the bait they need, pack up the pirogue, and go on their way. Well, they try all day long at all of the good spots that they can find, but don't catch a single one. Finally, Boudreaux turns to his partner and says, "Thib, mais dis is ridiculous. We've been here all day and tried every spot we know of and we still haven't caught a single fish. Let's try one more spot. If we don't catch a ting, then we're leaving." So the two go to one more spot on the basin, and what do you know, they start catching fish left and right. In fact, they caught their limit, the boat was full... Boudreaux turns to Thibodeaux and asks, "Thib, pass me dat piece of chalk over dere." Thibodeaux replies, "Now Boudreaux, what the hell are you gonna do with a piece of chalk?!" and hands Boudreaux the chalk. Boudreaux reaches over the side of the pirogue and marks a big X and answers, "Mais Thib, I'm gonna mark this spot on the side of the pirogue so dat the next time we come out here we can remember where to catch all dees fish!" Thibodeaux turns to him and says, "Mais dat's the STUPIDEST ting I never heard Boudreaux!! How you know we gonna rent the same boat next time!!!" By: Will Johnson- Dallas, Texas Boudreaux's Ambition An army Major is visiting sick soldiers in the horspital where Boudreaux is recovering. He goes up to a Private lying in a bed and asks, "What's your problem, Soldier?" "Chronic syphilis, Sir," the soldier replies. "What treatment are you getting?", asked the Major. "Five minutes with the wire brush each day," says the soldier. "What's your ambition? asks the Major. "To get back to the front line, Sir." "Good man." says the Major. He goes to the next bed. "What's your problem, Soldier?" "Chronic piles, Sir." "What treatment are you getting?", asks the Major. "Five minutes with the wire brush each day." "What's your ambition?" "To get back to the front line, Sir." "Good man," says the Major. He goes to the next bed, where Boudreaux is laying. "What's your problem, Boudreaux?, asks the Major. "Mais, I got de chronic gum disease, mon neg." "What treatment are you getting?, asks the Major. "Mais cher, I get five minutes with dat wire brush each day, replies Boudreaux. "What's your ambition?" "Mais neg, my only ambition is to get dat dere wire brush befo dem other two fellas!!!" By: J. Shay - Pensacola, Florida Boudreaux the Bartender Boudreaux gets this job bartending in a local bar down in Thibodaux, Louisiana. Late one night bout 1 or 2 AM, dis drunk man with no arms walked up to de bar and asked Boudreaux for a beer. Boudreaux shoved dat cold, foaming glassof beer in front of him. "Look," said the customer, "I have no arms - would you please hold the glass up to my mouth?" "Ah, mais you bet podner", said Boudreaux, and he did. "Now," said the customer, "I wonder if you`d be so kind as to get my handkerchief out of my pocket and wipe the foam off my mouth." "Not a problem, neg!", replies Boudreaux. And it was done. "If," said the armless man, "you`d reach in my right hand pants pocket, you`ll find the money for the beer." Boudreaux reaches into the man's pocket and pulls out $2.00. "You`ve been very kind," said the customer. "Just one thing more. Where is the men`s room?" "Out de door," said Boudreaux, as he points. "Turn left, walk two or three blocks, and dere`s one in dat dere filling station on de corner." By: J. Shay - Pensacola, Florida Boudreaux Goes Golfing A priest, a doctor, and Boudreaux were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers on the fairway to Hole #3. Boudreaux is getting very aggravated, as usual,and says, "Mais, what's wit dese tree guys? My grandma was slow, but she only had one leg. We've already been waiting for 20 or 15 minutes!" The Doctor in de bunch says, "I don't know but I've never seen such ineptitude!" The Priest pipes up with his two cents and says, "Hey, here comes the Greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him." As the Priest gets the attention of the Greenskeeper, he says, "Say George, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow aren't they? George the Greenskeeper replies, "Oh yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight while saving our club house last year. So we let them play here anytime free of charge!" The three (priest, doctor, and Boudreaux) remain silent for about 3 or 2 minutes, then the Priest says, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The Doctor replies, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them. Boudreaux, wanting to get his bid in, snaps," Mais, jees, why can't dem guys play at night?" By: J. Shay - Pensacola, Florida Grandpa Boudreaux The day Grandpa Boudreaux turned 92 years-old, he went to the doctor's office for his annual physical. A few days later the Dr. saw Grandpa Boudreaux walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm. A couple of days later the Dr. talked to Grandpa Boudreaux and said, "Man, you're really doing great, aren't you?" Grandpa Boudreaux replied, "Mais cher, I'm just doin' what you said: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful'." The Dr., who was bewildered at this point says, "I didn't say that. I said you got a heart murmur. Be careful." By: Clyde Suckfinger - Pensacola, Florida Boudreaux Pays Respect Boudreaux, Thibodeaux, and Gautreaux was playing a big round of golf for $200. At the 18th green Boudreaux had hisself a ten foot putt to win dat round, and the $200. As Boudreaux was lining up his putt, a funeral procession started to pass by. Boudreaux sat down his putter, took his hat off, placed it over his chest, and waited for de funeral procession to pass him by. After it passed, Boudreaux picked up his putter and returned to lining up his putt. Seeing dis, Thibodeaux said, "Mais cher, dat was de most touching ting I never seen befo. I can't believe you stopped playing, possibly losing all you concentration, to pay you respects." "Well", Boudreaux replies, "we were married for 25 years." By: Clyde Suckfinger - Pensacola, Florida Boudreaux Tells Pollock Jokes Boudreaux is sitting all by his lonesome in dis bar, tipping a few beers. After a while he turns to the chap seated next to him and asks, "Mais cher, would you like to hear a Pollock joke?" The chap seated on the next stool replies, "I'd like you to know that I'm 265 lbs. and a champion golden gloves boxer. And I'm Polish." He goes on to say, "I'd also like you to know that the fellow next to me is 285-lbs. of muscle and madness, a lineman on a pro football team - and he, too, is Polish." "Furthermore, the fellow seated next to him is just short of 300 lbs., a professional wrestler, and always seems to carry a chip on his shoulder. He's also Polish. "Now - do you really think you want to tell that Pollock joke in here you dumb coonass?" Boudreaux cautiously surveys the scene and replies, "Mais hell no, I tink I changed my mind , me! I don't want to have to explain it three times." By: Clyde Suckfinger - Pensacola, Florida Cow For Sale Boudreaux and Thibodeaux saw an add in the paper that read, "Cow 4 Sale", so they decided to make an investment and purchase her! They bought the cow and remembered that in order to breed her they needed a bull. A few days later Boudreaux was looking in the paper and saw an add, "Bull 4 sale $100.00", so they decide to buy the bull. They weren't sure how they were gonna get the bull to their pasture, since the bull was at Comeaux's farm 20 miles away. So, Thibodeaux comes up with a bright idea to send Boudreaux and stay home and watch over the wife and cow. So Boudreaux goes to Comeaux's farm and pays him for the bull. Then he remembers he has to get the bull home, but how?? Comeaux tells Boudreaux to send a telegram at the local telegram office, down the road. Boudreaux goes to the telegram office and asks how much to send a message to Thibodeaux. The clerk tells him it would be "25-cents" a word. Boudreaux then remembers he used all but 25-cents to buy the bull. So , with that one quarter, Boudreaux sends a telegram to Thibodeaux. The next morning Thibadoux gets the telegram and opens it. It reads--"COMFORTABLE"!!! (Come for de Bull!!) By: Sonja Dufrene A Friendly Pedro Game Boudreaux & Ann, Pierre & Marie (two happily married couples) all decide to have a pedro game one night. So they all meet at Pierre & Marie's house and begin playing cards. A couple of games later, Pierre decides he needs to go to the can, so he goes. Then Ann decides to go get more beer in the kitchen, and she goes. Remaining at the pedro table were Boudreaux and Marie. Boudreaux, looking at Marie (Pierre's wife) tells her (Marie) that he thinks she looks good and that he would like nothing more than to do the nasty with her. Marie tells Boudreaux that he is her husbands best friend and that she don't think so... Boudreaux then begs her. Well, Marie gives in and tells Boudreaux that it will cost him. He asks how much? She says $100.00. Boudreaux tells her that is too much, being he has no job. Then after a little while, Boudreaux agrees he will pay her. They decide he will go over the next morning while Pierre is at work. So they finish their pedro game that night, and Boudreaux & Ann head home for the night. Bright and early the next morning, Boudreaux goes over to Pierre's house just after Pierre leaves for work (not to see Pierre, no!!) and he and Marie spend the day together. He gets what he wants from Marie and gives her the $100.00 then leaves. A little while later Pierre comes home and asks Marie if Boudreaux came by today. Marie was shocked, but couldn't lie to Pierre and says yes, Boudreaux did come by. Then Pierre asks if Boudreaux gave her $100.00. Marie replies yes while hesitating. Pierre says, that good ole friend of mine, Boudreaux; I knew I could count on him. This morning he came by work and borrowed $100.00 and said he'd have it back by 5:00pm. By: Sonja Dufrene Boudreaux The Carpenter A guy from Atlanta, about to retire, decides to build a house far out in the country in Louisiana and shows his plans to Boudreaux, the local carpenter. "Can you build this?" he asks. Boudreaux studies the blueprints and says, "Uh-oh. Somebody dun really goofed on dis one. But, if you want, I can draw up some new plans for you." The guy says, "I hired one of the top architectural firms in Atlanta. If you want the job, you'll follow these plans." "Well, okay." Says Boudreaux. "But I warn you, if you use dese plans you're gonna end up with two bathrooms!" By: Garry Stewart - Lawrenceville, GA Boudreaux the Zookeeper The Houston Zoo was transporting a large Female gorilla to the New Orleans Zoo. Just outside of Lafayette, the gorilla begins to go crazy, making it difficult to drive. The zookeepers realized that she was in heat and pulled off at the next exit to try to figure out what to do to calm her down. One of the zookeepers suggested that they find someone to mate with her to hold her over until they could make it to New Orleans. Just then, ol' Boudreaux was walking down the street toward the truck. The zookeeper approached Boudreaux and said, "Excuse me, sir, but I have a proposition for you. How about $50 bucks to mate with that gorilla in the back of our truck?" Boudreaux began to scratch his head and thought about the proposition for a minute. Boudreaux agreed and said "I'll do it, but I got three requests." The zookeepers agreed and asked what his requests were. Boudreaux replied, "First, nobody watch because it is kinda embarrassin. Second, if dat gorilla come up pregnant, I don't want nuting to do wit de kid." The zookeepers agreed and asked, "That's fine, but what is your third request?" Boudreaux said, "Ummmm, can dis wait 'til Friday? Dat's when I get paid." By: Todd Bruney - Lake Charles, LA Boudreaux the Ice-Fisherman Mais, it was a cold winter's day when Boudreaux decided to give ice-fishing a try. He drives out to the lake, gets out his country cadillac (pick-up truck) and walks out onto the frozen lake, and cuts him a hole in dat ice. He drops in his fishing line and begins waiting for a fish to bite. He was there for almost an hour without even a nibble when a young boy from way, way, way up North (around Shreveport),named Kendall Burgermister (a good Yankee name) walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice not too far from Boudreaux and dropped in his fishing line. It only took about a minute and WHAM! a Largemouth Bass hit Kendall's hook, and he, like his most favorite uncle Jim, pulled in yet another fine fish. Boudreaux couldn't believe it and figured it was just dumb luck. Kendall dropped in his line and again within just a few minutes pulled in another one. This went on and on until finally Boudreaux couldn't take it any more, since he hadn't caught a thing all this time. Boudreaux walked up to Kendall and said, "Mais, boug, I've been here for over an hour without even a nibble. You have been here only a few minutes and have caught about half a dozen fish! How do you do it? To which Kendall responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rrarm." "What was dat you said, huh?" Boudreaux asked. Again Kendall responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rrarm." "Look," said Boudreaux, "I can't understand a word you're saying." So to this, Kendall spit into his hand and said, "You have to keep the worms warm!" By: Jim Casad - Nyssa, Oregon Boudreaux/Thibodeaux Fish Trip Boudreaux and Thibodeaux decide to go fishing in the Atchafalaya Spillway one morning. Well, they rent a little boat and they drive out to their secret spot miles away. Well, they fish all afternoon and they filled up the boat with fish. Around 5:00 that evening they decide to go in and cook up the fish for everyone. Well, ol Boudreaux stands up and tries to pull on the rope to start the engine and when he pulls on it the first time, the whole engine just falls in the water. Well, Boudreaux decides to dive in the water and see what the situation was. He stays down there for quite a while and Thibodeaux gets worried that something happened to his friend. Well, Thibodeaux sticks his head under water and sees Boudreaux trying to pull start the engine underwater. Thibodeaux motions for Boudreaux to come back up to the surface. When he gets up to the surface, Thibodeaux is just shaking his head in disgust. Boudreaux asks Thibodeaux, "What's wrong my friend?" Thibodeaux stands up in the boat and looks at Boudreaux and says. " Mais Boudreaux, it should be obvious to you dat you can't start the engine like dat underwater, you gotta choke the thing first." By: Brian Hillhouse - Lafayette, Louisiana Cajun Airlines Pierre and Boudreaux was flying Cajun Airlines. Boudreaux was flying da plane and Pierre was in da back foolin wit da cargo equipment an stuff. Da plane hit some turbulance an started bouncing around an Boudreaux got knock unconscience. Then da plane started driftin. Pierre him come run up to da front an Boudreaux was sprawl out over da steerin wheel. Well, Pierre don't know notin bout flyin an he start to get panaky. He grab da microphone and holla "May Day! May Day! Dis is Cajun Air Line 10210. Boudreaux, him knock unconscence an I don know nutin about flyin dis plane!" "Dis is da control tower," someone answer. "Don you worry about nutin. We gona splain how fo you to land dis plane, step by step ah gar-on-tee! Jus leave arything ta us. Firs, how high are you an what's you position?" Pierre thought a minute, den say, "I'm five foot ten an I'm all da way to da front of da plane." "No! No!" answer da tower. "What's you altitude an where's you location?" Pierre say, "Man ah got a po attitude, an I'm from Thibodeaux!" "No! No! No!" came an exasperated voice. "Ah needs to know how many feet you got off da ground an how you plane's in relation to da airport!" Pierre start to panic by dis time. He say, "Countin Boudreaux's an mine we got four feet off da ground an I don't believe dis plane's related to you airport!" A long pause --- "Dis is da control tower,we needs to know who you next of kin is and where to send da flowers!" By: Elaine Naquin Benoit -Chackbay, Louisiana Cajun 12 Days of Christmas Day 1: Dear Boudreaux, Thanks for de bird in de Pear tree. I fix it las' night with dirty rice. I don tink de pear tree will grow wid all da heat in the summa. Day 2: Dear Boudreaux, You letter say you sent two turtle doves, but all I got was two scrawny pigeons. Anyway, I mixed dem with andouille and made some gumbo out of dem.-Marie Day 3: Dear Boudreaux, why couldn't you a sent me crawfish? I'm tired of eating dem darn birds. I gave two of dose prissy French chickens to Marie Trahan over at Grand Bayou an fed the tird one to my dog Phydeaux. Marie needed some sparring partners for her fighting rooster-Marie Day 4: Dear Boudreau, Mon Dieux! I tol you no more %44#*!@ birds! Deez four, what you call dem "callin' birds" were so noisy you could hear dem all de way to Napoleonville. I used dere necks for my crab traps, an fed de rest of dem to de gators.-Marie Day 5: Dear Boudreaux, You finally sen' somethin useful. I like dem golden rings, me. I hocked dem at da pawn shop in Thibodeaux and got enuf money to fix da shaft on my shrimp boat an buy a round for da boys at de Patin's in Labadie!. Merci beaucoup! -- Marie Day 6: Dear Boudreaux, Couchon! Back to da birds, you Cajun turkey! Poor egg suckin' Phydeaux is scared to death at dem six geeses. He tried to eat dems eggs and dey peck de heck out ah his snout. Dey good at eating cockroaches, though. I may stuff one of dem wit oyrster dressing on Christmas day.-Marie Day 7: Dear Boudreaux, I'm gonna wring your fool neck next time I see you. Thibeau, da mailman, is ready to kill ya. The merde from all dem birds is stinkin' up his mailboat. He afraid someone will slip on dat stuff and sue him good. I let those seven swans loose to swim on de bayou and some duck hunters from Mississippi blasted dem out of de water. Talk to you tomorrow. - Marie Day 8: Dear Boudreaux, poor ole Thibeau, he had to make tree trips on his mailboat to deliver dem 8 maids a milkin and their cows. One of dem cows got spooke by da 'gators and almost tipped over da boat. I doan like dem shiftless maids, me no. I told dem to get to work guttin fish and sweepinq the shack but dey say it wasn't in dair contract. Dey probably think dey too good ta skin nutrias I caught last night. Marie Day 9: Dear Boudreaux, What you trying to do huh? Thibeau had to borrow the Lutcher ferry to carry dem jumpin twits you call Lords-a-Leaping across the bayou. As soon as dey gots here dey wanted a tea break with crumpets. I doan know what dat means but I says, "Well La DiDa. You get Chicory coffee or nuttin." Mon Dieu, Emile. What I'm gonna feed all dese bozos? Dey too snooty for fried nutria, and de cows done eat my turnip greens. Marie Day 10: Dear Boudreaux, You got to be outs you mind! If de mailman don't kill you, I will fo sure. Today he deliver 10 half nikid floozies from Bourbon Street. Dey said dey waz "Ladies Dancin" but dey doan act like ladies in front of dose Limey twits. Dey almos left after one of dem got bit by a water moccasin over by da out-house. I had to butcher 2 cows to feed toute le monde an had to get toilet paper; the Sears catalog wasn't good enuf fer dose hoity toity Lords' royal behin'.-Marie Day 11: Dear Boudreaux, where y'at? Cheerio an pip pip. Your 11 pipers piping arrives today from the House of Blues, second lining as dey got off de boat. We fixed stuffed goose and beef jambalaya fais-do-do. Da new mailman he having a good time, yeah, dancing with de floozies. Thibeau he jump off de Sunshine Bridge today, screaming your name. If you get a mysterious, ticking package in de mail, doan open it. Marie Day 12: Dear Boudreaux, I sorry to tell ya but I not your true love anymore, no. After da fais-do-do, I spent de night with Jacque, de head piper. We decide to open a restaurant and gentleman's club on de bayou. The floozies, pardon me, Ladies dancing can make $20 for a table and de Lords can be waiters an valet park de boats. Since de maids doan have no more cows ta milk, I trained dem ta set my crab traps, watch my trotlines, an run my shrimping business. We will probably gross a million nex year. Marry Crismas ta all and ta all, a gud nite! -- Marie By: Peter Whelan, Major, USAF Are You a Real Cowboy? Boudreaux, dressed up in his best Western attire, acting like an ole cowboy went into a bar down dere in Thibodaux, and ordered a drink. As he sat there sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him. She turned to Boudreaux and asked him, "Are you a real cowboy?" He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life down on dat ranch in Houma Louisiana, herdin cows around." He then asked her what she was. She replied, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning I think of women. When I eat, shower, watch TV, everything seems to make me think of women!" A little while later a couple sat down next to Boudreaux and asked him "Are you a real cowboy?" He replied, " I always taut I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian, me." By: Dwayne Templet - Pierre Part, Louisiana God Was Missing for 6 Days God was missing for six days. Michael the Archangel found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God, "Where have you been?" God proudly pointed downward through the clouds, LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance." "Balance?" inquired Michael, confused. God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth, "For example, Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while Southern Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot. Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people." God continued, pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice." The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a beautiful piece of land, rich and fertile. "What's that one?" "Ah," said God. "That's Louisiana-the most glorious place on Earth! There are beautiful lakes and rivers to the South, and acres upon acres of woodlands to the North. The people from Louisiana are going to be friendly, intelligent and humorous, and they're going to be the most spirited people in the world. They'll work hard when it's time to work and play harder than anyone the world over. They will be known throughout the world for great food, and spectacular festivals. These people alone will discover the proper mix of religion, family, and work." Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed. "But you said there'd be balance, God? What about BALANCE!" God replied wisely. "Wait until you see the loudmouth morons I'm putting next to them in Texas!!" By: Dwayne Templet - Pierre Part, Louisiana Boudreaux Wins a Bet A Texan walked into the City Bar last weekend, and started bragging that nobody could drink like Texans can, and bet that if any of the Cajuns there could drink a whole case of beer in an hour or less, he would pay them $100.00. No one took him up on his offer, and in fact Boudreaux got up and walked out. A little while later Boudreaux came back inside and asked the Texan if his offer was still good. The Texan said that it was, and he would, in fact, even pay for the beer. Boudreaux told the bartender to line 'em up, and made short order of the case of beer, finishing in well less than the hour. The totally amazed Texan held up his part of the deal and paid the hundred dollars. But he was a little curious and asked Boudreaux, "By the way, when I made the offer, you left. Where did you go?" Boudreaux answered him, "Mais' I went to de other bar across de street. I had to make sure I could do it !" By: CC Masotti, Captain, USAF Boudreaux's Vacations Boudreaux & Thibodeaux were talking one afternoon, and Boudreaux tells Thibodeaux, "You know, I tink I'm ready for a little vacation. But dis year I wants to do sumting different. De las' few years, I took your suggestions about where to go. Three years ago you said I should go to Hawaii, an' I did an' Marie got pregnant. De next year you said to go to de Bahamas. Marie got pregnant again. And last year you told me to go to Tahiti. Sure enough, Marie got pregnant again. Dis year I want to go someplace cheaper so I can bring her wid me!" By: CC Masotti, Captain, USAF Boudreaux & Thibodeaux at the Bar Boudreaux and Thibodeaux were once again spending Saturday night at Patin's, the local city bar. After several hours of steady drinking, Boudreaux suddenly fell backwards off of the bar stool and onto the floor, passed out cold. Thibodeaux looks at Boudreaux, looks up at the bartender, and remarks, "Dat's what I like about Boudreaux; he knows when he done had enough to drink." By: CC Masotti, Captain, USAF Boudreaux's a Crazy Driver Boudreaux & Thibodeaux were driving around town one night, and coming up to a red light, Boudreaux runs right through it, not even slowing down. Thibodeaux says, "Boudreaux, you ran dat red light. Be careful!" Boudreaux tells him, "Don't worry, Hebert does it all de time, and nuttin ever happens." A few minutes later, another red light, and Boudreaux runs it too. Thibodeaux screams at him, Boudreaux, you keep running dem red lights, you gonna got us killed!" Boudreaux assures him, "Mais I done tol' you, Hebert does it all de time wid no problem. Don't worry." The next intersection they come to, they have a green light, and Boudreaux slams on the brakes, coming to a complete stop on green. Thibodeaux asks him, "Why you stop for de green light?" Boudreaux, looking cautiously both ways tells him, "Mais, if I gots de green light, I gots to be careful, 'cause Hebert might be passing de other way!" By: CC Masotti, Captain, USAF Boudreaux Goes to Confession Boudreaux, in his usual highly inebriated state, accidentally stumbled into the church building Saturday afternoon, trips his way into the confessional and sits down. The Priest, there of course to hear confession, hears nothing. The Priest coughs to let Boudreaux know that he's ready to listen to him, but still hears nothing. He then knocks on the wall separating them, and Boudreaux tells him, "Sorry, podnuh, der ain't no paper in dis one neither!" By: CC Masotti, Captain, USAF Women's Liberation Conference The Podunk Possum Gazette has provided this report from the 2000 World Women's Liberation Conference recently held in Podunk, Arkansas: The first speaker, a lady from England stood up and said, "During last years' conference we spoke about being more assertive with our husbands. Well, after the conference I went home and told my husband, Barrington, that I would no longer cook for him and that he would have to do it himself! After the first day, I saw nothing. After the second day, I saw nothing. But on the third day, I saw that he had cooked a wonderful roast lamb." The crowd cheered. The second speaker, a lady from Russia stood up and said, "After last years' conference I went home and told my husband, Ivan, that I would no longer do his laundry and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day, I saw nothing. After the second day, I saw nothing. But on the third day, I saw that he had done not only his own washing, but my washing as well." The crowd again cheered. The third speaker, a Cajun lady from Thibodeaux, Louisiana, stood up and said, "Afta last years' conference, I went rat home and tole dat lazy Coonass husband 'a mine, Boudreaux, dat I wadn't gonna do no mo'a his cookin', cleanin' or shoppin' and dat he wuz gonna have to do it all fer hissef." The crowd got to their feet and roared approval. When it became quiet, she continued, "And I tole 'em I wadn't gonna be doin' no mo cleanin 'em nasty crawfeesh, giggin' no mo boolfrogs and water dawgs, skinnin' none'a dem musrats and nutras or check'n no mo catfeesh trotlines. The crowd went wild - the cheering and clapping lasted for at least five minutes. When it again became calm, she continued, "Afta the fust day, I didn't saw nuttin'. Afta the second day, I didn't saw nuttin' too. But afta the thud day, I could see a little bit betta outta my left eye." By: Cheryl Theiss - Thibodaux, Louisiana Come Hell or High Water One night, a torrential rain soaked South Louisiana; the next morning the resulting floodwaters came up about 6 feet into most of the homes there. Mrs. Boudreaux was sitting on her roof with her neighbor, Mrs. Thibodaux, waiting for help to come. Mrs. Thibodaux noticed a lone baseball cap floating near the house. Then she saw it float far out into the front yard, then float all the way back to the house. It kept floating away from the house, then back in. Her curiosity got the best of her, so she asked Mrs. Boudreaux, "Do you see that baseball cap floating away from the house, then back again?" Mrs. Boudreaux said, "Oh yes, that's my husband; I told him he was going to cut the grass today come Hell or high water!" By: Lee Nelson, Captain, USAF Give Dat Ballerina a Drink! A big woman, wearing a sleeveless sundress, walked into a bar. She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man out there will buy a lady a drink?" The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. At the end of the bar, was Boudreaux, a skinny little Cajun, who was VERY drunk. Boudreaux slammed his hand on the bar and said, "Give dat Ballerina a drink!" Thibodeaux, the bartender, a close friend of Boudreaux's, poured the drink and the woman chugged it down. She turned again to the patrons and pointed around at all of them, revealing her hairy armpit, and asked, "What man out there will buy a lady a drink?" Once again, Boudreaux slapped his hand down on the bar and said, "Give dat Ballerina anudder drink!" Thibodeaux, finally approached Boudreaux and asked, "Boudreaux mah frien', I know it's your bidness of course if you want to buy dat lady a drink, but how come ya'll keep callin' her a Ballerina?" Boudreaux replied, "Thibodeaux.... to me, any woman what can lift her leg dat high.... has got to be a Ballerina ..." By: Cheryl Theiss - Thibodaux, Louisiana Nookie Green Father Duhon, a priest is in the local Catholic church in Thibodaux, was hearing confessions one Saturday afternoon: In walks Boudreaux, "Padre, it has been two weeks since my last confession & dis are my sins. Last night I had sex with Nookie Green." "That is your sin?" "Yep, Padre." "You are forgiven; go out and say one Our Father." Boudreaux gets up and leaves. Soon after dat, Thibodaux enters and kneels. "Padre, it has been a month since my last confession; dis is my sins. I had sex with Nookie Green every week for the last month." The priest thinks to himself this Nookie Green woman is fairly popular with his male parishioners... "Those are your sins?" "Yep, Padre." "You are forgiven; go out and say three Hail Mary's." Thibodaux gets up and leaves. Soon after dat, Gauthreaux enters and kneels down. "Padre, it has been six months since my last confession; dis is my sins, I have had sex with Nookie Green twice a week for the last six months." This time, the priest has to ask, "Who is this Nookie Green?" "Mais", Gauthreaux replies, "Just a beautiful gal dat I know, Padre." "Very well-you are forgiven. Go out and say ten Hail Mary's." Father Duhon closes the church for the evening and leaves wondering who this Nookie Green woman is . . . The next morning, the priest is up in front of his congregation saying Mass. The doors fly open in the back of the church and in walks this beautiful lady, female, woman; a tall redhead with long gorgeous hair, a green sequin dress, green sequined heels and a green hat with a long green feather coming from it. She walks straight up the aisle, winking at Boudreaux, Thibodaux, and Gauthreaux, then sits down in the very front pew, right in front of Father Duhon, with her knees apart. Father Duhon cannot help but stop and stare. He finally catches himself and leans over to ask the altar boy, "Pssssst.. Is that Nookie Green?" The altar boy (T Boy) has a look and says, "Mais non Padre, dat's just the reflection off her shoes." By: Cheryl Theiss - Thibodaux, Louisiana Old Mrs. Boudreaux When I went to lunch today, I noticed this lady about 75-80 years old sitting on a park bench near J. C. Penney and she was sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong. She said: "I have a 22 year old husband at home, his name is Boudreaux. He makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me coffee, pancakes, sausage, gratins, and fresh fruit." I said: "Well, then why are you crying?" She said: "he makes me homemade gumbo for lunch and my favorite brownies and then makes love to me half the afternoon." I said: "Well so why are you crying?" She said: "For Dinner he makes me the best jambalaya around, etoufee, courtbouillion, whatever I want..... with wine and my favorite desert and then makes love to me until 2:00am." I said: "Well, why in the world would you be crying?" She said: "Mais, I CAN'T REMEMBER WHERE I LIVE!!!!" By: Cheryl Theiss - Thibodaux, Louisiana Currency Exchange An Asian man, new to the US, walks into the currency exchange in Thibodaux, Louisiana with 2000 yen and walked out with $72. The following week, he walked in with 2000 yen, and was handed $66. He asked the teller (Boudreaux) why he got less money than he had gotten the previous week. Boudreaux answers, "Fluctuations." The Asian man stormed out, and just before slamming the door, he turned around to Boudreaux and said "Fluc you Cajuns too!" By: Dwayne Templet - Pierre Part, Louisiana Hiring Boudreaux A construction site boss was interviewing men for a job, when along came Boudreaux. The boss thought "I'm not hiring that lazy cajun...", so he decided to set a test for Boudreaux, hoping he wouldn't be able to answer the questions, and he'd be able to refuse him the job without getting into an argument. The first question was, Without using numbers, represent the number 9. Boudreaux says, "Dat's easy" and proceeds to draw three tree's. The boss says, "What the hells that?" Boudreaux says "Tree 'n tree n' tree makes nine". Fair enough, says the boss. Second question, same rules, but represent 99. Boudreaux stares into space for a while, then makes a smudge on each tree. "Der ya go sir" he says. The boss scratches his head and says, " How on earth do you get that to represent 99? Boudreaux says " each tree's dirty now! so it's dirty tree, n' dirty tree n' dirty tree, dats 99. The boss is getting worried he's going to have to hire him, so he says, "All right, question three. Same rules again, but represent the number 100". Boudreaux stares into space again, then he shouts, "I got it!" he makes a little mark at the base of each tree, and says "There ya go sir. 100." The boss looks at Boudreaux's attempt and thinks, Ha! got him this time. "Go on Boudreaux, you must be crazy if you think that represents a hundred." Boudreaux leans forward and points to the marks at the tree bases, and says, "A little dog comes along and craps by each tree, so now ya got, dirty tree an' a turd, dirty tree an' a turd, and dirty tree an' a turd, which makes a hundred, when do I start my job?" By: Andy Traywick, Lt Col, USAF Boudreaux Falls on Face Boudreaux's been drinking all nite at Patin's, the local bar, dere in Labadie. The bartender finally says that the bar is closing. So Boudreaux stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He tries to stand one more time, same result. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face. So he decides to crawl across the Labadie bridge, and the 4 blocks to his home. When Boudreaux arrives at the door he stands up and falls flat on his face again. He crawls through the door into his bedroom. When he reaches his bed he tries one more time to stand up. This time he manages to pull himself upright but he quickly falls right into bed and is sound asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow. He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him shouting at him. "So, you've been out drinking again!!" "Me?", "What makes you say that?" Boudreaux asks as he puts on an innocent look. "Patin's called", his wife replied, "you left your wheelchair there again." By: Dwayne Templet - Pierre Part, Louisiana Cajun Virus Warning WARNING ! ! ! ! ! You have just received the "Cajun Virus"! ! ! ! Sance we ain't got no programin sexperience, so dis virus woks on the hona system! Please delete all da files on u hard driver and manually forward to aveybody on u maleing list! Tank yall for u cooperation!!! Signed, Boudreaux and Thibodeaux By: Brett Bordelon - Lake Mary, Florida Louisiana Heritage Louisiana Heritage---A few clues to being a true Louisianan: 1. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway. 2. "Vacation" means going to the family reunion. 3. You've seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular. 4. You measure distance in minutes. 5. You know several people who have hit a deer. 6. Your school classes were canceled because of cold. 7. Your school classes were canceled because of heat. 8. You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day. 9. You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better." 10. Stores don't have bags; they have sacks. 11. You see people wearing bib overalls at funerals. 12. You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it, no matter what time of the year. 13. You use "fix" as a verb. Example: I am fixing to go to the store. 14. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, or animal. 15. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked. 16. You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows. 17. You carry jumper cables in your car. 18. You know what "cow tipping" and "snipe hunting" is. 19. You only own four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco. 20. You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent. 21. You think sexy lingerie is a tee shirt and boxer shorts. 22. The local paper covers national and international news on one page but requires 6 pages for sports. 23. You think that deer season is a national holiday. 24. You find 90 degrees F "a little warm." 25. You know all 4 seasons: Almost summer, summer, Still summer, and Christmas. 26. You know if another Louisianan is from southern, middle, or northern Louisiana as soon as they open their mouth. 27. There is a Dairy Queen in every town with a population of 1000 or more. 28. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good gumbo weather. 29. You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your friends from Louisiana.. By: Brett Bordelon - Lake Mary, Florida Boudreaux Visits Pharmacist Boudreaux went into a pharmacy and asked the lady behind the counter if he could speak to a male pharmacist. The lady replied that she was the only pharmacist and that she and her sister were the owners of the store. She was sorry, but there were no men working there. Assuring Boudreaux that there was no need to be embarrassed, she asked if there was something she could help him with. Boudreaux said, "Dis is embarrassin' for me, but I have a permanent erection which causes me beaucoup problems and severe embarrassment. I was wondering what you could give me for it?" The pharmacist said, "Just a minute, I'll go talk to my sister." When she returned, she said, "The best we can do is 1/3 ownership in the store and $3000 a month for living expenses." By: CJ Moorman - Arkansas Boudreaux's Pet Fish Boudreaux was stopped by Dufresne, a local game warden in da bayous of South Louisiana recently with two buckets full of dem largemouth bass when leaving Lake Verret; a spot well known for it's excellent fishing. Warden Dufresne asked Boudreaux, "Do you have a license to catch dem fish?" Boudreaux replied to Dufresne, "Mais non. Dese here are my pet fish." "Pet fish?", the warden asked. "Mais yeah! Every night I take dese here fish down here to da lake and let dem swim round for awhile. I whistle and dey come back and jump into da buckets and I take them back home." "That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!" Boudreaux looked at Warden Dufresne for a moment, and then said, "Here, I'll show you. It really works!" "OK, I've GOT to see this!" Dufresne was curious now. Boudreaux poured the fish into the lake and stood and waited. After several minutes Dufresne turned to Boudreaux and said, "Well?" "Well, what?" Boudreaux responded. "When are you going to call them back?", Dufresne prompted. "Call who back?" Boudreaux asked. "The fish!" replied Warden Dufresne. "What fish?", Boudreaux asked. By: Barney Lopez - Clovis, New Mexico Kindergarten Assignment A kindergarten class in a small rural Cajun school had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy called upon (T-Boy Boudreaux), walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was. "It's a period," said T-Boy. "Well, I can see that," she said, "but what is so exciting about a period?" "Damned if I know," said T-Boy, "but dis morning my sister was missing one, Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and ole Thibodeaux next door, shot himself." By: Marcel Boudreau - New Brunswick, Canada Preacher's Pay Raise At a local South Louisiana Baptist church, there was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby. So he went to the Congregation and asked for a raise. After much consideration and discussion, they passed a rule that when the preacher's family expanded, so would his paycheck. After 6 children, this started to get expensive so the congregation decided to hold a meeting again to discuss the preacher's pay situation. As you can imagine, there was much yelling and bickering. Finally, the preacher got up and spoke to the crowd. "Having children is an act of God!" he said. In the back of the room, a little old Cajun man stood up and in his frail voice said, "Mais snow and rain are also acts of God but when we get too much of dat, we wear rubbers." By: Marcel Boudreau - New Brunswick, Canada Boudreaux's Baptism Boudreaux, drunk as usual, stumbles into a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by de river. He walked down into de water an stood nex’ to de preacher. De minister turns and notices de drunken Boudreaux an’ says, "Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?" Boudreaux replies, "Yesh, Your Honor, I shur am!" De minister dunks Boudreaux under de water and pulls him right back up.” Have you found Jesus?" he asked. "Nooo, Your Highness, I shur dint!" Boudreaux said. Den de preacher dunks him under for a little bit longer, brings him up and says, "Now, brother, have you found Jesus?" Boudreaux shouted "Noooo, Your Majesty, I shur dint!" Disgusted, de preacher holds Boudreaux under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him out of the water and says in a harsh tone, "My good man, have you found Jesus YET?" Boudreaux wipes his eyes and says to the preacher, "Are you sure this is where he fell in?" By: Larry Boudreaux - Louisiana Boudreaux & Clotile Boudreaux waz a widower an' Clotile waz a widow. Dey bot' lived in de nursing home for a long time. One night de ole folks home had a party an' Boudreaux and Clotile struck up some talk. Before you know eet, Boudreaux axed Clotile to marry heem. She say, "Oh mais ouis, mais ouis", an' after de party dey went back to deir rooms. De nex' day Boudreaux woke up and he say, "You know dat I don remember if she said yes or no, so I'll call her on de telephone an' tole her dat ma memory is getting' jus' a leetle bad and I can't remember if she say yes or no when I axed her to marry me. He called her de nex' day jus' like he planned, and she say, "Oh, I said yes, an' ah am so glad dat you called, cause I couldn't remember who axed me. By: Larry Boudreaux - Louisiana Fishing Fanatic OK, there's a fellow Boudreaux, who is an avid fisherman. Actually he's a fishing fanatic. Every Saturday morning he gets up very early and fishes all day long. Well this one Saturday morning, Boudreaux gets up early, dresses quietly, gets his rods/reels out of the closet, and goes out to his truck to drive to the lake. It is raining a torrential downpour. There is sleet mixed with rain and the wind is blowing 50 mph. He comes back into the house and turns on the TV to watch the weather channel. From there he finds it's going to be bad weather all day long. So he puts his rods/reels back into the closet, quietly undresses and slips back into bed where he cuddles up to his wife's back, and whispers, "The weather out there is terrible." To which she replies, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing?" By: Marcel Boudreau - New Brunswick, Canada Taking a Train Trip 3 Cajuns and 3 Texans are taking a train to attend a conference. At the station, each Texan buys a ticket, but they notice that only 1 Cajun buys a ticket. "Don't you all need tickets?" they ask. "Mais Non" reply the Cajuns, "One is more dan enough, boo." Once they board the train, the Texans take their seats and notice that all 3 Cajuns cram themselves into a toilet. As the conductor passes through the car, he knocks on the toilet door and says: "Ticket, please." The door cracks ever so slightly, a hand passes out a ticket, and then the door quickly closes. "Ahhh..very clever" think the Texans. After the conference, the 3 Cajuns and the 3 Texans are again at the train station for the return trip. Since the Texans are now so 'money-wise', they smirk as they only purchase 1 ticket....but then they notice that the Cajuns don't buy a ticket at all. "How will you get back without even a single ticket?" they ask. "Mais, we don need dat, us on de back trip!" say the Cajuns. Once they board the train, the 3 Texans cram themselves into the largest toilet (naturally), and do the 3 Cajuns ease into another toilet. As the train begins to move away from the station, one of the Cajuns leaves the toilet and knocks on the door of the Texans' toilet, saying "Ticket, please." By: Dwayne Templet - Pierre Part, Louisiana What's For Lunch? An Irishman, a Mexican and a Cajun were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said: "Corned beef and cabbage. If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building." The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed: "Burritos again. If I get Burritos one more time, I'm going to jump off too." The Cajun opened his lunch and said: "Gumbo again. If I get gumbo one more time, I'm jumping too." ====Next Day ===== The Irishman opens his lunch box, sees Corned beef and cabbage and jumps to his death. The Mexican opens his lunch, sees a Burrito and jumps too. The Cajun opens his lunch, sees gumbo and jumps to his death also. ====At The Funeral ===== The Irishman's wife is weeping. She says: "If I'd known how really tired he was of Corned beef and cabbage I never would have given it to him again." The Mexican's wife also weeps and says: "I could have given him Tacos or Enchiladas -- I didn't realize he hated Burritos so much." Everyone turned and stared at the Cajun's wife.... Hey, don't look at me," she said, "That dumb ass makes his OWN lunch!" By: Dwayne Templet - Pierre Part, Louisiana Late for School T-Boy Boudreaux walked into his fort grade class at Taunt Nu's Academy Des Les Enfants in Breaux Bridge 30 minutes late one morning. His teacher, Miss Clotile, fuss at him when he walk in late and disturb the class. She say, "Mais Boudreaux, when you late like dis, you disturb you fellow students here. I tink you owe everybody an apology and an explanation why you so late today." Well Boudreaux, being an otherwise good student, say to everybody, "Mais, I'm so sorry to disturb you wit me walking in late like dis, but I got a good reason." Miss Clotile ask him to explain. "Well, I'm late cause my daddy sleeps wit no clothes on," say little Boudreaux. Taken aback by dis statement, Miss Clotile say, "Now Boudreaux, how in world would de fack dat you daddy sleep wit no clothes on make you late for school today?!" Boudreaux says, "Miss Clotile, it's like dis. We been having dis fox go into our chicken coop jus bout every night dis week, and my daddy said he done had enough of dat fox killing and eating our chickens. He went down to the big ole Wal-Mart store in Lafayette de udder day and bought him one of dose twice-barrel shotguns. Well, sure enough, that next night we all heard a big commotion coming out of the chicken coop at around 3 o'clock in the morning. Dat ole fox was back for mo'. Daddy him, he jump out of bed and run to the kitchen where he kept his shell for that big ole shotgun and started to load it up. I was up too and saw daddy standing there wit that shotgun buck naked, cause he woke up like dat. I tell him to put some clothes on hisself, but he tell me, 'Ain't got time for dat, T-Boy! I'm gonna go blow dat fox's head clean off!' Well, daddy goes outside, and figure he better creep up on that fox in chicken coop so he don't scare him away. He get down on his hands and knees and starts crawlin up the chicken coop. Just about dis time, my ole hound dog, Cletus, see daddy crawling up next to dat chicken coop and figure he gonna go check it out. He come out from unda da porch, goes up to daddy jus as he's slipped dem 2 barrels into the door of the chicken coop, and puts his cold nose right up the crack of daddy's big naked butt and kapow! We all been cleaning up dead chickens since 3 o'clock dis morning Miss Clotile, and dats why I'm late for school!" By: Shane Gros - Mobile, Alabama Fax...Cajun Style Boudreaux and two men were sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly there is a beeping sound. The first man presses his forearm and the beeping stops. Boudreaux looked astonished. "Oh", he says, "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm and that's my pager". A moment later there is a ringing sound. The second man lifts his arm to his ear and starts talking. When he is done he explains I have a microchip in my arm and that's my mobile phone. Boudreaux, feeling somewhat left out, steps out of the sauna. After a few minutes he returns with a piece of toilet paper sticking out from between his buttocks. The other two men look astonished. "Oh," he explains, "I'm just getting a Fax." By: Bridget Pham - Labadieville, Louisiana Boudreaux on Viagra Boudreaux, in his eighties, got up one morning, and was putting on his coat, when his wife said, "Boudreaux, where you go?" The elderly Boudreaux replied, "Mais, I'm gonna go to da doctor, me." Surprised his wife asked "Why, are you sick?" "No," Boudreaux said, "I'm gonna get me some of dem new Viagra pills." With that, Boudreaux's equally elderly wife got up out of her rocker and started putting on her sweater. Surprised, Boudreaux asked, "Now, where you goin?" "Me, I'm goin to the doctor, too". "Why?" She said, matter-of-factly, "If you're going to start using that rusty, old thing again, I'm going to get a tetanus shot."