A Marine colonel on his way home from work at the Pentagon came
to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, "Wow, this
traffic seems worse than usual.  Nothing is even moving."

He notices a police officer walking back and forth between the
lines of cars so he rolls down his window and asks, "Excuse me,
Officer, what's the hold up?"

The Officer replies, "The President is just so depressed that
Hilary wants to leave him that he stopped his motorcade in the
middle of the Beltway and he's threatening to douse himself in
gasoline and set himself on fire.  He says his family absolutely
hates him and he doesn't have the $33.5 million he owes his
lawyers for that whole Monica thing.  So I'm walking round taking
up a collection for him".

"Oh really?  How much have you collected so far?"

"So far only about three hundred gallons, but I've got a lot of
folks still siphoning."