Today at work, the boss wanted to know when Father's Day
was.  "Easy," I answered. "It's nine months before Mother's
Day."

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"If my son is getting half as much out of college as the
college is getting out of me, he'll be a success."

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Father's Day was both a joy and a worry as my kids were
growing up.  I was always afraid they were going to give
me a present that I couldn't afford.

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I've got 3 TVs, cable, & a satellite dish; I have 3 phone
lines in the house, a cell phone & one in the car, plus a
pager. I use 2 computers, 3 ISP's and a fax.  I subscribe
to two daily papers & one weekly one. I watch both the
local & network news every evening.  And my kids have the
nerve to tell me I'm out of touch.

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With divorce and remarriage so common these days, pity
the poor kids.  Most of them know what to buy for Father's
Day -- they just don't know which "Father" to give it to.

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Neither of my kids ever understood my logic.  Both of them
failed to see why they had to go to bed when I was tired.

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A friend of mine had 5 kids.  When the youngest finally
turned 16, and was the last one left at home, my friend
posted a sign on the kid's bedroom door: "Check-out time
is 18".