Two nuns are driving home one dark and stormy night when suddenly,
WHAM!,
  A vampire lands right on the hood of their car. His eyes are gleaming
  yellow, and his razor-sharp fangs dripping with blood. The nun who is
  driving screams to the other "SHOW HIM YOUR CROSS!" so the other nun
  leans out the window and yells "GET THE @#$%!! OFF OUR WINDSHIELD!"

- ---
Three vampires walk into a bar and sit down at a table. The barmaid
walks up and asks what they want to drink. Vampire one says "I'll take a
mug of blood.".

Vampire two says "I'll take a mug of blood also."

Vampire three says "Give me a mug of plasma."

With that the barmaid turns and screams to the bartender, "Gimme two
bloods and a blood light!"

- ---
Classic tombstones from real graves:

        Here lies John Yeast,
        Pardon him for not rising.

        Here I lie
        And no wonder I'm dead,
        For the wheel of a semi
        Went over my head.

        Here lies Lester Moore.
        No Les no more ...