Some Halloween Tips:

 1. When selecting treats to pass out at the homestead, avoid non-
    nutritious candies and gums. Instead offer celery and blue cheese 
    sauce platters.  While the neighborhood rugrats may loathe you, 
    you'll undoubtedly be a hit with your local dental hygienist 
    (Important note: House windows should be securely boarded
beforehand.).

 2. Take care to choose a Halloween personae that lends itself to self 
    defense. A "wicked witch" with the trademark broom has a vast 
    combative edge over an wand-wielding fairy.

 3. When trying to choose an appropriate costume, be sure to select the
    darkest colors available. Go for black ninja suits or other
    non-reflective garb. Also, don't take up critical bicycle sidewalk
    space when navigating neighborhoods--be sure to walk along the edge
    of, or even partly into, the street.

 4. Costume accessories can really make the difference. Avoid using
    plastic props. Opt for real cutlery to stand out in the crowd.

 5. If living in the deep rural South, avoid dressing up in a white
    sheet, for any reason. Such action can be misconstrued and
ultimately 
    lead to grotesque bodily harm.

 6. And for little tikes, don't garb them in a white bed sheet that's
    bound to get tarnished! To cut Halloween budget corners, use white 
    kitchen garbage bags instead. The costume also doubles as a large 
    goodie bag in the event that the feelings of asphyxiation simply 
    become too unbearable youngsters.

 7. With so much geared toward the youngest family members, awkward
    teens can often feel left out. Insist that they dress up in a
    costume that will complement the young sibling's attire (Raggedy
    Ann and Andy, Prince and Princess, Barney and Baby Bop, etc.).

 8. When out collecting candy, visit houses in out-of-the-way dimly lit
    areas.  Especially look for houses without any lights on. These are
    the enthusiasts trying to make Halloween especially authentic and
    eerie for little ghoulies.
 
 9. If no unlit houses can be found in your area, you will be forced to
    approach the well-lighted houses. But don't knock on the door!
    Instead, sneak around an knock on windows or rustle around in
    crawl-spaces. The resident family will appreciate your sense of 
    originality and will likely reward you handsomely.

10. After you've been trick-or-treating, simply disregard all wrapped or
    "store-bought" candy. People handing this stuff out just don't give
    a damn and simply took the easy out. Go for the home-baked goodies
    that could possibly be concealing prizes inside!

11. You can also look for organized community events to entertain
    teens. Who can forget playing "Disintegrate The Mailbox," "Pumpkin 
    Toss," "Teacher Toilet Paper Party," "Plastic Pumpkin Pillage," and
    "Pummel The Ghoulies."

12. Before bobbing for apples at your local Halloween carnival, fill
    your mouth brimming full with ketchup. Then, when underwater, 
    discharge the goo, frantically jerking your head up out of the 
    water while screaming, "Razor!  Razor!"

    [Note:  Ketchup is an obvious, but inferior, choice for fake blood.
    For killer fake blood try Corn Syrup and red dye - but don't get 
    it on clothes or the carpet or you won't need fake blood anymore.]