How Cold Is It? +50F / +10C * New York tenants turn on the heat * Wisconsinites plant gardens +40F / +4C * Californians shiver uncontrollably * Canadians sunbathe +35F / +2C * Italian cars don't start +32F / 0C * Distilled water freezes +30F / -1C * You can see your breath * You plan a vacation in Florida * Politicians begin to worry about the homeless * Wisconsinites eat ice cream +25F / -4C * Boston water freezes * Californians weep pitiably * Cat insists on sleeping on your bed with you +20F / -7C * Cleveland water freezes * San Franciscans start thinking favorably of LA * Green Bay Packers fans put on T-shirts +15F / -10C * You plan a vacation in Acapulco * Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you * Wisconsinites go swimming +10F / -12C * Politicians begin to talk about the homeless * Too cold to snow * You need jumper cables to get the car going 0F / -18C * New York landlords turn on the heat ... intermittently * Sheboygan brats grilled on the patio - yum! -5F / -21C * You can hear your breath * You plan a vacation in Hawaii -10F / -23C * American cars don't start * Too cold to skate -15F / -26C * You cut your breath and use it to build an igloo * Miamians cease to exist * Canadians lick flagpoles -20F / -29C * Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you * Politicians actually do something about the homeless * People in LaCrosse think about taking down screens -25F / -32C * Too cold to kiss * You need jumper cables to get the driver going * Japanese cars don't start * Milwaukee Brewers head for spring training -30F / -34C * You plan a two-week hot bath * Pilsener freezes * Bock beer production begins * Wisconsinites shovel snow off roof -38F / -39C * Mercury freezes * Too cold to think * Canadians button top button -40F / -40C * Californians disappear from face of Earth * Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you and dials up electric blanket * Wisconsinites put on sweaters -50F / -46C * Congressional hot air freezes * Alaskans close the bathroom window * Green Bay Packers practice indoors -60F / -51C * Walruses abandon Aleutian Islands * Sign on Mount St. Helens: "Closed for the Season" * Wisconsinites put gloves away, take out mittens * Boy Scouts in Eau Claire start Klondike Derby -70F / -57C * Glaciers in Central Park * Hudson residents replace diving boards with hockey nets * Green Bay snowmobilers organize trans-lake race to Sault Ste. Marie -80F / -62C * Polar bears abandon Baffin Island * Girl Scouts in Eau Claire start Klondike Derby -90F / -68C * Edge of Antarctica reaches Rio de Janeiro * Lawyers chase ambulances for no more than 10 miles * Minnesotans migrate to Wisconsin thinking it MUST be warmer -100F / -73C * Santa Claus abandons North Pole * Canadians pull down earflaps -173F / -114C * Ethyl alcohol freezes * Only Door County cherries usable in brandy Manhattans -297F / -183C * Oxygen precipitates out of atmosphere * Microbial life survives only on dairy products -445F / -265C * Superconductivity -452F / -269C * Helium becomes a liquid -454F / -270C * Hell freezes over -456F /-271C * Illinois drivers drop below 85 MPH on I-90 -458F / -272C * Incumbent politician renounces a campaign contribution -460F / -273C (Absolute Zero) * All atomic motion ceases * Canadians allow as to how it's getting a mite nippy.