I Took Him Back To Walmart

My Ex-husband and I fought constantly,
Why I married him I'll never know.
For all those miserable years I said
This husband has got to go !

Tried poisoning cakes, stripping his brakes,
Salting his pork chops with lime.
Wiring his chair, igniting his hair
Even though playing with fire's a crime.

But I failed at each plot 'til I suddenly thought
Of a way that would set me free !
I got rid of him for good and ya know what?
They couldn't do a thing to me !  

I TOOK HIM BACK TO WALMART !
They'll take anything back you know!
They said they couldn't remember selling him,
But they must have if I told them so.

They just credited him to my Visa and said,
"Ya'll come back ya hear?"
They were all so nice, polite and insistent,
I took his mother back the next year!

They'll take anything back at Walmart,
Though it's broken, rotten, or sweet. 
And know what else ? This time of year,
You don't even need a receipt !
(author unknown)