GREATER LOS ANGELES AREA DRIVER'S LICENSE APPLICATION

 Name: ____________________

 Stage name: __________________________

 Agent's Name: __________________________

 Attorney's Name: _______________________

 Actual Age: _____ Admitted Age: _____

 Sex: [ ] male
      [ ] female
      [ ] formerly male
      [ ] formerly female
      [ ] both
      [ ] neither

 If female, indicate breast implant size: _______
   Will the size of your implants hinder your ability to
   safely operate a motor vehicle in any way?
      [ ] Yes
      [ ] No

 Occupation:
      [ ] Lawyer
      [ ] Actor/Waiter
      [ ] Film-maker/Self-employed
      [ ] Writer
      [ ] Car Dealer
      [ ] Pan-handler
      [ ] Agent
      [ ] Hooker/Transvestite
      [ ] Other; please explain: ___________________________

 Please list brand of cell phone: ________________________
      (If you don't own a cell phone, please explain.)  _________________

 Please check hair color:
    Females:
      [ ] Blonde
      [ ] Platinum Blonde
    Teenagers:
      [ ] Purple
      [ ] Blue
      [ ] Skin-head
    Men:
      Please list shade of hair plugs:  ____________________

 Please indicate if you have Automobile Insurance:
      [ ] Yes
      [ ] No
          If Yes, please explain:__________________________

 Please check activities you perform while driving 
   (Check all that apply):
     [ ] Eating a wrap
     [ ] Applying make-up
     [ ] Talking on the phone
     [ ] Slapping kids in the back seat
     [ ] Applying cellulite treatment to thighs
     [ ] Tanning
     [X] Snorting cocaine (already checked for ease of application)
     [ ] Watching TV
     [ ] Reading Variety
     [ ] Surfing the net via laptop
     [ ] Reading a book or Newspaper
     [ ] Sleeping

 Please indicate how many times you expect:
     to shoot at other drivers:   _____
     other drivers to shoot back: _____

 If you are the victim of a car-jacking, you should immediately:
     [ ] Call the police to report the crime.
     [ ] Call Channel 4 News to report the crime, then
         watch your TV.
     [ ] Call your attorney and discuss lawsuit against
         cellular phone company for 911 call not going through.
     [ ] Call your therapist.
     [ ] None of the above. (South Central residents only)
 
 Please indicate the type of car you drive:
     [ ] BMW 
     [ ] Lexus 
     [ ] Mercedes 
     [ ] Cabriolet - (If so, please add 6 to 8 weeks to normal
                      delivery time for your driver's license)

 In the event of an earthquake, should you:
     [ ] stop your car.
     [ ] keep driving and hope for the best.
     [ ] immediately use your cell phone to call all
         loved ones.
     [ ] pull out your video camera and obtain footage
         for Channel 4.

 In the instance of rain, you should:
     [ ] never drive over 5 MPH.
     [ ] drive twice as fast as usual.
     [ ] you're not sure what "rain" is.

 Please indicate number of therapy sessions per week: ____

 Are you presently taking any of the following medications?
   (Check all that apply.)
     [ ] Prozac
     [ ] Zovirax
     [ ] Lithium
     [ ] Zanax
         If none, please explain: __________________

 Length of daily commute:
     [ ] 1 hour
     [ ] 2 hours
     [ ] 3 hours
     [ ] 4 hours or more
         If under 1 hour, please explain:  __________________

 When stopped by police, should you
     [ ] pull over and have your driver's license and
         insurance form ready.
     [ ] try to outrun them by driving the wrong way on
         the 405.
     [ ] have video camera ready and provoke them to attack,
         thus ensuring yourself of a hefty lawsuit.