Since driving conditions (and culture) are unique in LA, you may not
 have realized that the California Department of Motor Vehicles has now
 issued a special application and driver's test solely for the Los
 Angeles Metropolitan Area.

 Here it is:

 GREATER LOS ANGELES AREA DRIVER'S LICENSE APPLICATION:

     
 1) Name:______________________  2) Stage name: _____________________
     
 3) Agent:  ___________________  4) Attorney:   _____________________
     
 5) Sex:   [  ]  male            [  ]  female 
           [  ]  formerly male   [  ]  formerly female 
           [  ]  both            [  ]  Other (please explain): ______
     
     
 6a)  If female, indicate breast implant size:  _______

     
 6b)  Will the size of your implants hinder your ability to safely 

      operate a motor vehicle in any way?  

      [  ]  Yes  [  ]  No 
     
     
 7)   Occupation:
     
           [  ]  Lawyer
           [  ]  Actor/Waiter
           [  ]  Film-maker/Self-employed
           [  ]  Writer/Unemployed
           [  ]  Car Dealer
           [  ]  Pan-handler
           [  ]  Agent
           [  ]  Hooker/Transvestite
           [  ]  Other (please explain): ______________
     
     
 8a)  Please indicate how many times per year you expect to have sex 

      in your car ________
     
 8b)  Please indicate how much you plan to spend for this sex ________
     
     
 9)   Please list brand of cell phone:  __________ 

     (If you do not own a cell phone, please explain.) _______________
     
     
10)   Please check haircolor:
     
      Females:   [  ] Blonde [  ] Platinum Blonde
     
      Teenagers: [  ] Purple [  ] Blue [  ] Skinhead
     
      Men (Please list shade of hair-plugs): _____________________
     
     
11)   Please check activities you perform while driving:  
      (Check all that apply)
     
            [  ] Eating a wrap
            [  ] Shaving
            [  ] Applying make-up
            [  ] Talking on the phone
            [  ] Slapping kids in the backseat
            [  ] Having sex
            [  ] Applying cellulite treatment to thighs
            [  ] Tanning
            [  ] Snorting cocaine
            [  ] Watching TV
            [  ] Reading Variety
            [  ] Surfing the net via laptop
     
     
12)   Please indicate how many times:
     
            a) you expect to shoot at other drivers     _______
     
            b) how many times you expect to be shot at while driving.  _____

     

13)   Please indicate number of therapy sessions per week:  

          [  ] 1 to 2
          [  ] 3 to 4
          [  ] 5 or more
          [  ] none (please explain):  __________________

     
14)   Are you presently taking any of the following medications?
      (Check all that apply)
     
          [  ] Prozac
          [  ] Zovirax
          [  ] Lithium
          [  ] Zanax
          [  ] none (please explain):  __________________


15)   Please indicate if you drive:
     
          [  ] Beamer
          [  ] Lexus
          [  ] Mercedes
          [  ] Cabriolet. 

      (If your answer is Cabriolet, please add six to eight weeks to
      normal delivery time for your driver's license.)

     
16)   Length of daily commute:
     
          [  ] 1 hour
          [  ] 2 hours
          [  ] 3 hours
          [  ] 4 hours or more