Q: How do you know if a lawyer is well-hung?
 A: When you can't fit your fingers between the rope and his neck.
 
 Q: Why does Washington, D.C. Have the most lawyers and New Jersey 
    the most toxic waste dumps?
 A: New Jersey had first pick.
 
 Q: What do slime molds have more of than lawyers?
 A: Respect.
 
 Q: Why won't vultures eat dead lawyers?
 A: There are some things that would gag even a vulture.
 
 Q: What would happen if you locked a cannibal in a room full of lawyers?
 A: He would starve to death.
 
 Q: What do molds, ooze, and lawyers have in common?
 A: They're all slime.
 
 Q: Why did the lawyer cross the road?
 A: He saw a car accident on the other side.
 
 Q: What are some of the requirements to becoming a lawyer?
 A: You must be able to get muggers, rapists, and dope abusers off 
    the hook, and must have at least one relative who works at IBM.
 
 Q: What kind of lure must you use if you want to attract lawyers 
    so as to shoot them?
 A: You may use any as long as it yells every once in a while, 
    "I'm gonna sue!!" 
 
 Q: Why don't hyenas eat lawyers?
 A: Even hyenas has some dignity.
 
 Q: What do you call an honest lawyer?
 A: An impossibility.
 
 Q: What do you get when you cross a lawyer with another lawyer?
 A: Nothing.  There are some things that not even nature can permit.
 
 Q: Why didn't the circus clown feel so bad about his career?
 A: At least he wasn't a lawyer.
 
 Q: What's the difference between pigs and lawyers.
 A: You can learn to love a pig.
 
 Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
 A: The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
 
 Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
 A: His lips are moving.
 
 Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead 
    lawyer in the road?
 A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.
 
 Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
 A: Professional courtesy.
 
 Q: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
 A: Not enough sand.
 
 Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
 A: Cut the rope.
 
 Q: What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?
 A: When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
 
 Q: What is the definition of a "crying shame"?
 A: There was an empty seat.
 
 Q: What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?
 A: Stick his bill up his ass.
 
 Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
 A: An offer you can't understand
 
 Q: Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?
 A: From chasing parked ambulances.
 
 Q: Where can you find a good lawyer?
 A: In the cemetery
 
 Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
 A: A vampire only sucks blood at night.
 
 Q: How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?
 A: Hey, you need 250 just to submit a grant proposal.
 
 Q: If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?
 A: It might be your bicycle.
 
 Q:  What's the difference between lawyers and potholes?
 A1: People try to avoid hitting potholes!
 A2: People do not run over the same pothole more than once.
 
 Q: Why should dead lawyers be buried 16 feet deep?
 A: Because deep down, they're O.K.
 
 Q: What educational programs should the United States support to 
    ameliorate the burgeoning US-Japan trade imbalance?
 A: Japanese language lessons for lawyers.
 
 Q: What is the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?
 A: One is a disgusting, bottom feeding scavenger, and the other 
    is just a fish.
 
 Q: Why do lawyers carry their certification on their dashboard?
 A: So they can park in the handicapped spaces. (they are morally
    handicapped)
 
 Q: What are lawyers good for?
 A: They make car salesmen look good!
 
 Q:  How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
 A1: It only takes one lawyer to change your light bulb to his light bulb.
 A2: You won't find a lawyer who can change a light bulb.