What do lawyers use for birth control?
Their personalities.
  ___________________________
 
What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
A tick falls off of you when you die.
 ___________________________
 
What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their neck in
sand?
Not enough sand.
  ___________________________
 
What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead
lawyer
in the road?
There are skid marks in front of the dog.
   ___________________________
 
What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
A Doberman.
  ___________________________
 
Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
If one side has one, the other side has to get one.  Once launched,
they cannot be recalled.  When they land, they screw up everything
forever.
  ___________________________
 
Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?
They had pictures of lawyers on them ...  and people couldn't  figure
out which side to spit on.
  ___________________________
 
Lawyer's creed: A man is innocent until proven broke.
 ___________________________
 
What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pit bull?
Lipstick.