Marriage -- the Male Perspective


The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on
the TV?"

I said, "Dust!"

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In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God
created man and rested.  Then God created woman.  Since
then, neither God nor man has rested.

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My wife and I are inseparable.  In fact, last week it took
four state troopers and a dog.

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Why do men die before their wives?

They want to.

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What is the difference between a dog and a fox?

About 5 drinks.

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A beggar walked up to a well dressed woman shopping on Rodeo
Drive and said "I haven't eaten anything in four days."  She
looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower."

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Do you know the punishment for bigamy?

Two Mothers-in-law.

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Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of
Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?

Dad: That happens in every country, son.

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A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified: "Wife wanted".  Next
day he received a hundred letters.  They all said the same
thing: "You can have mine."

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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to
forget it once.

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First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"

Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

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How do most men define marriage?

An expensive way to get laundry done for free.

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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through
life thinking they had no faults at all.

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If you want your wife to listen and pay undivided attention
to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

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Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness
was until I got married; and then it was too late."

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A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost
to get married?"  And the father replied, "I don't know son,
I'm still paying."

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The bumper sticker read:  "I lost 250 pounds in one day, I
divorced her."

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Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the
street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they
are beautiful.