Medical Wonders


The following quotes were taken from actual medical records 
as dictated by physicians...

-By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, 
and he was feeling better.

-Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over 
a year.

-On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it 
had completely disappeared.

-The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me 
in 1983

-Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing.

-The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears 
to be depressed.

-Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

-The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. 
Blank to dispose of him.

-Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but 
forgetful.

-The patient refused an autopsy

-The patient has no past history of suicides.

-The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.

-Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.

-The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant 
with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

-She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate 
directions in early December.

-The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

-The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane 
ran out of gas and crashed.

-She is numb from her toes down.

-While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

-The skin was moist and dry.

-Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

-Patient was alert and unresponsive.

-When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.