Millenium Dictionary

The latest terms to add to your vocabulary in the Year 2000
office environment:

* Blamestorming - Sitting around in a group discussing why a
deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible.

* Seagull Manager - A manager who flies in, makes a lot of
noise, shits over everything, and then leaves.

* Salmon Day - The experience of spending an entire day swimming
upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.

* Chainsaw Consultant - An outside expert brought in to reduce
the employee head count, leaving the brass with clean hands.

* CLM - Career Limiting Move - Used among microserfs to describe
ill-advised activity. = Trashing your boss while he or she is
within earshot is a serious CLM.

* Adminisphere - The rarefied organizational layers beginning
just above the rank and file. = Decisions that fall from the
adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to
the problems they were designed to solve.

* Dilberted - To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. = Derived
from the experiences of Dilbert, the geek-in-hell comic strip
character.  "I've been dilberted again.  The old man revised the
specs for the fourth time this week."

* Flight Risk - Used to describe employees who are suspected of
planning to leave the company or department soon.

* 404 - Someone who's clueless. = From the World Wide Web error
message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could
not be located. = Used as in: "Don't bother asking him...he's 404,
man."

* Generica - Features of the American landscape that are exactly
the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip
malls, subdivisions.  =  Used as in: "We were so lost in generica
that I forgot what city we were in."

* Ohno-second - That miniscule fraction of time in which you realize
that you've just made a BIG mistake.

* Percussive Maintenance - The fine art of whacking the s**t out
of an electronic device to get it to work again.

* Umfriend - A sexual relation of dubious standing or a concealed
intimate relationship, as in "This is my...um...friend."

* Cube Farm - An office filled with cubicles.

* Idea Hamsters - People who always seem to have their idea
generators running.

* Mouse Potato - The on-line, wired generation's answer to the
couch potato.

* Prairie Dogging - When someone yells or drops something loudly in
a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's
going on.

* SITCOMs - What yuppies turn into when they have children and
one of them stops working to stay home with the kids. = Stands for:
Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage.

* Squirt the Bird - To transmit a signal to a satellite.

* Starter Marriage - A short-lived first marriage that ends in
divorce with no kids, no property and no regrets.

* Stress Puppy - A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out
and whiny.

* Swiped Out - An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless
because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.

* Tourists - People who take training classes just to get a vacation
from their jobs.  Example: "We had three serious students in the
class; the rest were just tourists."

* Treeware - Hacker slang for documentation or other printed material.

 * Xerox Subsidy - Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's
workplace.

* Alpha Geek - The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person
in an office or work group.

* Chips and Salsa - Chips = hardware. = Salsa = software. = Example:
"Well, first we gotta figure out if the problem's in your chips or
your salsa."

* G.O.O.D. Job - A "Get-Out-Of-Debt" job. = A well-paying job people
take in order to pay off their debts, one that they will quit as soon
as they are solvent again.

* Deinstalled - Euphemism for being fired. = Heard on the voicemail
of  =  a vice-president at a downsizing computer firm: "You have
reached the number of a deinstalled vice president.  =  Please dial
our main number = and ask the operator for assistance."

* Vulcan Nerve Pinch - The taxing hand position required to reach all
the appropriate keys for certain commands. = For instance, the warm
re-boot for a Mac II computer involves simultaneously pressing the
Control key, the Command key, the Return key, and the Power On key.

* Yuppie Food Stamps - The ubiquitous $20 bills spewed out of ATMs
everywhere. = Often used when trying to split the bill after a meal:
"We owe $8 each, but all anybody's got are yuppie food stamps."