OLE & LENA'S HONEYMOON
Ole and Lena got married. On their honeymoon trip they
were nearing  Minneapolis when Ole put his hand on Lena's
knee.  Giggling, Lena said, "Ole, you can go farther than
that if you vant to" 

So Ole drove to Duluth.
__________________________________________________________

OUTHOUSE PROBLEMS
When the Norwegian accidentally lost 50 cents in the
outhouse, he immediately threw in his watch and billfold. 

He explained, "I'm not going down dere yust for 50 cents."
__________________________________________________________

THAT'S HER!
A Norwegian appeared with five other men in a rape case
police line-up.

As the victim entered the room, the Norwegian blurted,
"Yep that's her!"
__________________________________________________________

Famous inventions:
The Swedes invented the toilet seat.

Twenty years later the Norwegians invented the hole in it.
__________________________________________________________

Why do Norwegians have such nice noses?

They're hand picked!
__________________________________________________________

VE COULDN'T AFFORD MORE
Two Norwegians from Minnesota went fishing in Canada and
returned with only one fish.

"The way I figger it, dat fish cost us $400" said the
first Norwegian.

"Vell," said the other one, "At dat price it's a good ting
we didn't catch any more."
__________________________________________________________

PROBLEMS ON THE FARM
Two Norwegians were trying to get a mule into their barn
but it's ears were too long.  One Norwegian suggested
raising the barn.  The other one thought they should dig a
trench.

"No, you dummy," exploded the first, "it's the ears that
are too long, not the legs!"
__________________________________________________________

MILKING TIME
How many Norwegians does it take to milk a cow?

Ten.... four to hold onto the faucets and the other six to
lift the cow up and down.
__________________________________________________________

BAR RIDDLE
A Norwegian took a trip to Fargo, North Dakota. While in a
bar, an Indian on the next stool spoke to the Norwegian in
a friendly manner.  "Look," he said, "let's have a little
game.  I'll ask you a riddle.  If you can answer it, I'll 
buy YOU a drink.  If you can't then you buy ME one.  OK?"

"Ja, dat sounds purty good," said the Norwegian.

The Indian said, "My father and mother had one child.  It
wasn't my brother.  It wasn't my sister.  Who was it?"
 
The Norwegian scratched his head and finally said, "I give
up.  Who vas it?"

"It was ME," chortled the Indian.  So the Norwegian paid
for the drinks.

Back in Sioux Falls the Norwegian went into the bar and
spotted one of his cronies.  "Sven," he said, "I got a
game.  If you can answer a question, I'll buy you a drink.
If you can't, YOU have to buy ME vun.  Fair enough?"

"Fair enough," said Sven.

Ok... my father and mudder had vun child.  It vasn't my
brudder.  It vasn't my sister.  Who vas it?"

"Search me," said Sven.  "I give up, who vas it?" 

"It vas some Indian up in Fargo, North Dakota."
__________________________________________________________

Fingernails:
One day Lena confided to her friend Hilda that she had
finally cured her nervous husband, Ole, of his habit of
biting his nails.

"Good gracious," said Hilda, "How did yew ever dew that?" 

"It vas really simple," was Lena's reply. "I yust hid his
false teeth."
__________________________________________________________

MUSIC SOLUTION
Ole bought Lena a piano for her birthday.  A few weeks
later, Lars inquired how she was doing with it.  "Oh,"
said Ole, "I persuaded her to svitch to a clarinet."
 
"How come?" asked Lars.

"Vell," Ole answered, "because vith a clarinet, she can't
sing along."

__________________________________________________________

 


-----Uff da! --------