What is a zebra?
26 sizes larger than an "A" bra.

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.

What's the difference between an oral thermometer and
a rectal thermometer?
The taste.

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef.

Where do you find a no legged dog?
Right where you left him.

Where do you get virgin wool from?
Ugly sheep.

A guy goes into a Chinese bar and says, "How 'bout a
Stoly?"
The bartender says, "Once upon a time . . . ."

What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery
bag?
One is made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play
with... the other is used to carry groceries.

Why do Italians hate Jehovah's Witnesses?
Italians hate ALL witnesses.

A guy walks into a bar with jumper cables around his neck.
The bartender says, "All right, I'll let ya stay but don't
start nuthin."

Charlie Manson is sitting before the parole board.  He says,
"Is it hot in here or am I crazy?"

Did you hear about the Amish woman who wanted a divorce?
Her husband was driving her buggy.

What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter.  He won't come anyway.

A skeleton walks into a bar and says, "Gimme a beer and a
mop."

What do you get when you cross a Jehovah's Witness with an
Atheist?
Someone who knocks on your door for no reason.

What's the different between a Jehovah Witness and a Yugo?
You can slam the door on a Jehovah Witness.

Have you heard about the new scientific study which discovered
that a certain type of food decreases a woman's sex drive?
It's called wedding cake.