PILLSBURY DOUGHBOY DEAD AT 71


Veteran Pillsbury spokesperson, Pop N. Fresh, also known as The
Pillsbury Doughboy, died yesterday of a severe yeast infection
and complications from repeated pokes to the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a slightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities
turned out, including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry
Jack, Betty Crocker,  the Hostess Twinkies, Captain Crunch and many
others.

The graveside was piled high with flours as longtime friend, Aunt
Jemima, delivered the eulogy, describing Doughboy as a man who "Never
knew how much he was kneaded."

Fresh rose quickly in show business but his later life was filled
with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting
much of his dough on half-baked schemes.

Despite being a little flaky at times he even still, as a crusty old
man, he was considered a roll model for millions. Toward the end it
was thought he'd raise once again, but he was no tart.

Fresh is survived by his second wife, Play Dough.  They have two
children and one in the oven.

The funeral was held at 350 for about 20 minutes.