Preparing for a Mammogram

Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but
there is no need to worry.  By taking a few minutes
each day preceding the exam and doing the following
practice exercises, you will be totally prepared.  And
best of all, you can do these simple practice exercises
right in the privacy of your own home!


Exercise 1: 
Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist.
Invite a stranger to press the bookends against one of
your breasts and smash the bookends together as hard as
he can.  Set an appointment with the stranger to meet
again next year and do it again!

Exercise 2: 
Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast between
the door and the main box. Have one of your strongest
friends slam the door as hard as possible and lean on the
door for good measure. Hold that position for five seconds.
Repeat again in case the first time wasn't effective.

Exercise 3: 
Visit your garage at 3:00 AM when the temperature of the
concrete floor is cool to the touch. Take off all your warm
clothes and lay comfortably on the floor with one breast
wedged under the rear tire of the car.  Ask a friend to
back up the car until the breast is sufficiently flattened
and chilled.  Turn over and repeat for the other breast.