---You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.

---You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a flyswatter.

---Your property has been mistaken for a recycling center.

---Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 yrs.

---You burn your yard rather than mow it.

---You think the Nutcracker is something you did off the high dive.

---The Salvation Army declines your mattress.

---Your entire family sat around waiting for a call from the governor
to spare a loved one.

---You offer to give someone the shirt off your back & they don't want
it.

---You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.

---You come back from the dump with more than you took.

---You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

---Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

---Your grandmother has "Ammo" on her Christmas list.

---You've been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.

---You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.

---You've bathed with flea and tick soap.

---You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

---Your kids take a siphon hose to show and tell.

---You think a hot tub is a stolen indoor plumbing fixture.

---You took a fishing pole to Sea World.

---You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.

---You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.

---You have a rag for a gas cap.

---Your father executes the "Pull my finger" trick during Christmas
dinner.

---Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does.

---You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

---You can spit without opening your mouth.

---You consider your license plate personalized because your father
made it.

---Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

---You sit on your roof at Christmas time hoping to fill your deer
quota.

---You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Cool Whip
on the side.

---The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.

---Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.

---You thought the Unibomber was a wrestler.

---You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.

---You think a quarter horse is that ride in front of K-Mart.

---Your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings
you home.

---A tornado hits your neighborhood and does a $100,000 worth of
improvement.

---You've used a toilet brush as a back scratcher.

---You missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty.

---You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.

---Somebody tells you that you've got something in your teeth and you
take them out to see what it is.