Some Quotes

Man: You remind me of the sea.
Woman: Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
Man: NO, because you make me sick.

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"I have six locks on my door all in a row.  When I go out, I lock
every other one.  I figure no matter how long somebody stands there 
picking the locks, they are always locking three."  --Elayne Boosler

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"Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet
soup?"  --John Mendoza

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"I had a linguistics professor who said that it's man's ability to use
language that makes him the dominant species on the planet.  That may
be.  But I think there's one other thing that separates us from
animals.  We aren't afraid of vaccuum cleaners."  --Jeff Stilson

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"Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty
violent image there.  I think if you've got a T-shirt with a 
bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.  
Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash."  --Jerry 
Seinfeld

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"A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket.
'You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' she sneered.  I 
replied in a psychotic tone, 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. 
Now I'll have to kill you too."  --Jake Johansen

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"I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more
specific."
--Lily Tomlin

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"Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."  --Paul
Rodriguez