The Irish Declare War

Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering who to invade when
his phone rang.

"Mr Hussein," a heavily accented voice says. "This is Paddy in County
Cavan, Ireland.  I am ringing to inform you that I am officially
declaring war on you!!"

"Well, Paddy," Saddam replies "This indeed is important news! Tell me,
how big is your army?"

"At this moment in time," says Paddy after a moments calculation,
"there is myself, my cousin Sean, my next door neighbour Gerry and
the entire dominoes team from the pub - that makes 8!"

Saddam sighs and says "I must tell you Paddy that I have 1 million men
in my army waiting to move on my word"

"Oh poop" says Paddy "I'll have to ring you back!"

Sure enough, the next day Paddy rings back. "Right Mr Hussein, the war
is still on!  We have managed to acquire some equipment!"

"What equipment would that be, Paddy?" Saddam asks.

"Well, we have 2 combine harvesters, a bulldozer, and Murphy's tractor
from the farm"

Once more Saddam sighs and says "Paddy,  I have 16 thousand tanks, 2
thousand mine layers, 14 thousand armoured cars and my army has
increased to 1 and a half million since we last spoke"

"Fook me!" says Paddy "I'll have to ring you back!"

Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. "Right Mr Hussein, the
war is still on!  We have managed to get ourselves airborne!

We've kitted out old Ted's crop-sprayer with a couple of rifles in
the cockpit and the bridge team has joined us as well!"

Once more Saddam sighs and says "I must tell you Paddy that I have 10
thousand bombers and 20 thousand Mig 109 high manoeuvrability attack
planes and my military complex is surrounded by laser Guided surface
to air missile sites and since we last spoke, my army has increased
to 2 million"

"Oh bollocks" says Paddy "I'll have to ring you back".

Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. "Right Mr Hussein, I am
sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war".

"I'm very sorry to hear that" says Saddam "Why the sudden change of
heart?"

"Well, we've given it careful consideration and decided there's no
way we can cope with 2 million prisoners".