The Ultimate Law:
All general statements are false.

The Whispered Rule:
People will believe anything if you whisper it.

The First Law of Wing Walking:
Never let hold of what you've got until you've got hold of something else.

Lynch's Law:
When the going gets tough, everybody leaves.

Grossman's Misquote:
Complex problems have simple, easy to understand wrong answers.

Ducharme's Precept:
Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.

First Postulate of Isomurphism:
Things equal to nothing else are equal to each other.

Witten's Law:
Whenever you cut your fingernails, you will find a need for them an hour later.

Perkin's postulate:
The bigger they are, the harder they hit.

Harrison's Postulate:
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

Amdahl's First Law of Analogies:
Although the universe may be like a watermelon, and the stars like its seeds,
never mistake your watermelon for the universe.

MacDonald's Second Law:
Consultants are mystical people who ask a company for a number and give it back
to them.

Handy Guide to Modern Science:
1.  If it's green or it wiggles, it's biology.
2.  If it stinks, it's chemistry.
3.  If it doesn't work, it's physics.

The Sausage Principle:
People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either one being
made.

Horngren's Observation: (generalized)
The real world is a special case.

Merkin's Maxim:
When in doubt, predict that the present trend will continue.

Lewis' Law:
People will buy anything that's one to a customer.

Law of Reruns:
If you have watched a TV series only once, and you watch it again, it will be a
rerun of the same episode.

Shirley's Law:
Most people deserve each other.

Woltman's Law:
Never program and drink beer at the same time.

Allen's Law:
Almost anything is easier to get into than out of.

Allen's Distinction:
The lion and the calf shall lie down together, but the calf won't get much
sleep.

Avery's Observation:
It does not matter if you fall down as long as you pick up something from the
floor while you get up.

Berra's Law:
You can observe a lot just by watching.

Bicycle Law:
All bicycles weigh 50 pounds:
A 30 pound bicycle needs a 20 pound lock.
A 40 pound bicycle needs a 10 pound lock.
A 50 pound bicycle doesn't need a lock.

Comin's Law:
People will accept your idea much more readily if you tell them Benjamin
Franklin said it first.

Gerrold's Laws of Infernal Dynamics:
1.  An object in motion will be heading in the wrong direction.
2.  An object at rest will be in the wrong place.

Paulg's law:
In America, it's not how much an item costs, it's how much you save.

Lyall's Conjecture:
If a computer cable has one end, then it has another.

Pournelle's Law of Costs and Schedules:
Everything costs more and takes longer.

Klipstein's Observation:
Any product cut to length will be too short.

Sueker's Note:
If you need n items of anything, you will have n - 1 in stock.

Rosenfield's Regret:
The most delicate component will be dropped.

Whenever you hear a man speak of his love for his country, it is a
sure sign he expects to be paid for it. --H. L. Mencken

Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want and deserve
to get it good and hard. --H.L. Mencken

A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers.
--H. L. Mencken

Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt.
--Herbert Hoover

H.A. Garret's winning hand:
A Smith & Wesson beats Four Aces.