THOUGHTS FOR THE NEW MILLENNIUM

-  How come wrong numbers are never busy?

-  Do people in Australia call the rest of the world
   "up over"?

-  Does that screwdriver belong to Philip?

-  Can a stupid person be a smart-ass?

-  Does killing time damage eternity?

-  Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

-  Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your
   lips?

-  Why is it that night falls but day breaks?

-  Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?

-  Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an
   address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

-  Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and
   dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

-  Are part-time bandleaders semi-conductors?

-  Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?

-  Daylight savings time - why are they saving it and where
   do they keep it?

-  Do jellyfish get gas from eating jellybeans?

-  Do pilots take crash-courses?

-  Do stars clean themselves with meteor showers?

-  Do you think that when they asked George Washington for
   ID that he just whipped out a quarter?

-  Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical
   situations?

-  Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool?

-  How can there be self-help "groups"?

-  How do you get off a non-stop flight?

-  How do you write zero in Roman numerals?

-  How many weeks are there in a light year?

-  If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still
   hear his Walkman?

-  If athletes get athlete's foot, do astronauts get
   mistletoe?

-  If Barbie's so popular, why do you have to buy all
   her friends?

-  If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf
   people wear earmuffs?

-  If cats and dogs didn't have fur would we still pet
   them?

-  If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags?

-  If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with
   sushi?

-  If you can't drink and drive, why do bars have parking
   lots?

-  If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?

-  If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several
   times, does he become disoriented?

-  Why do the signs that say "Slow Children" have a picture
   of a running child?

-  Why do they call it "chili" if it's hot?