Three Worst Chinese Tortures

A man in the Chinese wilderness is hopelessly lost.
He's been starving for several weeks while having
to sleep on hard and cold ground during the nights.

Near death, he comes upon an old mansion in the woods.
He claws feebly at the door and an old man answers,
The old man squints his eyes and says "What do you want?"

The man moans . . .
"I've been lost for weeks without decent food and drink,
please, I beg of you . . . . Let me stay in your house,
at least for tonight"

The old Chinese man says . . . "I'll let you come in on
one condition:  You must keep yourself & your grimy
hands off my grandaughter.  If I catch you messing with
her in any way, I'll make you suffer the 3 worst chinese
tortures"

"Ok, Ok" the man said as he enters the old house.
"I won't be any trouble.  I'll leave tomorrow morning"

That evening, while at the dinner table, the man saw how
beautiful the grandaughter was.  She was a raving beauty,
an absolute pearl, to say the least.

The girl had apparently only seen the occasional monk, besides
her grandfather.  Both of them couldn't keep their eyes off
each other throughout their entire meal.

That night, the man snuck into the girls' bedroom.
They had quite a sweaty time & even managed to keep the
noise down.

After sneaking back to his own room the man thought to himself,
"Any chinese torture tests would be worth this experience"

When the man awoke, there was a huge, heavy rock on his chest.
On the rock was a sign that said: "1st Chinese torture test,
100 lb rock on your chest".

"What a lame torture test" he thought.  Rubbing the sleep
from his eyes, the man walkes over to the window & heaves
the rock out.

On the shutter is another sign, saying: "2nd Chinese torture
test, Rock tied to right testicle"

In his panic, seeing that the rock is out of reach, the man
jumps out of the window, after the rock.

Outside the window hangs another sign that says:
"3rd Chinese torture test: Left testicle tied to bedpost"