THE UNDENIABLE TRUTHS OF THE WORKPLACE * The lowest managerial priority is customer service, but the highest priority is persecuting the workers. * The only person who can get three days off in a week is the general manager. * Being promoted to a supervisor is actually a demotion considering the fact that you just sold your soul. * The arrogance level of any given member of management is inversely proportional to their intelligence quotient. * Don't worry about management's stepping in to do workers' jobs during a strike. They can't run the place with us, so how can they run it without us? * Mandatory overtime is more often than not the fault of poor scheduling than actual callouts. * Don't ever get caught reading anything on the job; the management want to keep us as clueless as they are. * All managers suffer from selective amnesia; they can only remember Union contract agreements when it benefits their cause. * Ninety-nine percent of all employee requests for days off are denied; the one percent that are approved are the direct result of favoritism. * The amount of favoritism you receive from management is directly proportional to the amount of a** you kiss and inversely proportional to the quality of work you perform. * The amount of overtime you will work is inversely proportional to the amount that management has promised. * All notices posted by management must contain spelling or grammatical errors that even a second-grader could spot. * Whenever management posts a letter of thanks to the workers, the employees will again be treated like crap within two minutes of the posting. * Ninety percent of all schedule changes are made when the affected employee is enjoying his/her days off. * The chances that an employee's idea will ever be implemented are inversely proportional to its ultimate good. * A new supervisor who has worked for only two days is always construed to know more than workers who have worked in the company for years. * In the workplace, the illogical thing to do is perfectly logical. * As soon as a supervisor is promoted to a manager, an inexplicable, sudden drop of 50 IQ points will occur. * Your chances of getting a day off will be inversely proportional to the urgency in having that day off. * Ninety-nine percent of all the problems that should be blamed on management will be blamed on the workers. * The accountability of the workers is inversely proportional to the accountability of the supervisors and managers. * The workplace runs in spite of management, not because of them. * If management accidentally discovers that an employee is smart, more work will be expected from that employee. * Succeeding at the workplace is simply a matter of rising above everyone else's incompetence. * The more a worker gets yelled at by a manager, the more that worker can take comfort in the fact that they are right. * In the workplace, incompetence perpetuates itself. * If a rule does not exist that supports the position of management, they will make one up on the spot. * You will never get paid for any overtime or extra hours you work unless you catch the forthcoming error and report it to the same management who tried to get away with it in the first place. * Whenever a new rule or procedure is implemented, the employees must be given either no notice or as little notice as possible. * The greatest possible threat to any given manager is an employee who is smarter than they are. * Whenever management comes out with a so-called "policy," it is merely an attempt on their part to circumvent a provision in the Union contract that they don't like. * In the workplace, managerial incompetence flows from the top on down. * The only logic that the managers ever use is circular logic. * Whenever an employee needs a manager for something, not one of them will be around. Conversely, whenever an employee does not need a manager for anything, five of them will be on their a**.