Signs that you might be drinking too much...


-  You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
-  You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
-  Your job is cutting into your drinking.
-  Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
-  Career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts.
-  The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
-  Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.
-  24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?? I don't 
   think so...
-  Two hands and just one mouth...now THAT'S a drinking problem!
-  You can focus better with one eye closed.
-  You fall off the floor...
-  Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.
-  5 beers have just as many calories as a burger. So much for dinner.
-  Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you
-  At AA meetings you begin: "Hi, my name is... ummm..."
-  Your idea of cutting back is less salt.
-  You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, 
   you fell asleep fully clothed.
-  The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in...
-  You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine,
   Alcohol, and Women/Men.
-  Don't recognize wife unless seen through bottom of glass.
-  That pink elephant followed me home again.
-  Senators Kennedy and Packwood shake their heads when they walk 
   past you.
-  At your DUI hearing your defense is, "I'm as jober as a sudge."
-  The shrubbery around your home blooms year round.