You Might be An ER Physician If...


* You believe 90% of people are a poor excuse for protoplasm.
* Discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal
  to you.
* You believe a good tape job will fix anything.
* You have the bladder capacity of five normal people.
* You can identify the positive teeth to tattoo ratio.
* Your idea of a good time is a full arrest atshift change.
* You find humor in other people's stupidity.
* You believe in aerial spraying of Prozac.
* You disbelieve 90% of what you are told and 75% of what you see.
* You have your weekends off planned a year in advance.
* When a patient presents with a list of medicine allergies you 
  automatically assume they are a drug seeker or a patient of Dr.  
  Solotkin.
* Your idea of comforting a child is to place them in a papoose 
  restraint.
* You encourage an obnoxious patient to sign out AMA so you don't 
  have to deal with them any longer.
* You believe that "Shallow Gene Pool" should be a diagnosis.
* You believe the govt should require a permit to reproduce.
* You plan your dinner while performing gastric lavage.
* You believe that "Ask-A-Nurse" is an evil plot thought up by Satan. 
* You believe that unspeakable evil will befall you if the phrase 
  "Wow, it's really quiet" us uttered.
* You refer to Friday as "Dump Day".
* Your diet consists of food that has undergone more processing than 
  most computers.
* You believe chocolate is a food group.
* When someone calls you a bastard, you take it as a compliment.
* When you are out in public you compliment a complete stranger on 
  their good veins.
* You have ever referred to someone's death as a transfer to the 
  "Eternal Care Unit".
* You don't think a referral to Dr. Kevorkian is inappropriate.
* You have ever referred to someones death as a "Celestial 
  Discharge".
* You have ever answered a "lost condom" phone call (See 
  "Ask-A-Nurse" above.)
* You refer to someone in respiratory distress as a "Smurf".
* Your idea of a really good time is Duelling Shock Rooms.
* You have ever wanted to hold a seminar entitled "Suicide... Getting 
  it right".
* You believe that "Too Stupid to Live" should be a diagnosis.
* You have ever had to leave a patients room before you began 
  laughing uncontrollably.